


Shifter

by dontbeupsettihavespaghetti



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Ages have been changed for some characters to suit setting, Boombox Week, Descriptive Injuries, F/F, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Other, Potentional NSFW, Prompt - Alternative Universe, Romance, Setting - America, Setting - University Based, Shapeshifting, boombox, hint - it's birb machine, modern!AU, mute character, shifter!AU, tw blood, tw injuries, tw mentions of discrimination
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-18
Updated: 2017-04-24
Packaged: 2018-09-25 09:08:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 18,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9812609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dontbeupsettihavespaghetti/pseuds/dontbeupsettihavespaghetti
Summary: Upon discovering a injured rat, Lucio decides to nurse him back to health....having no idea that the rat was actually a fugitive on the run.





	1. Lucio

**Author's Note:**

> So, I finally managed to get my butt into gear and write something for Boombox week. I love this ship so it was a good opportunity to get back into writing, and to write my first Overwatch fanfiction! 
> 
> I am so nervous when it comes to the dialogue and characterization, any feedback on it would be appreciated.
> 
> Anywho, enjoy the story. 
> 
> *There are some distressing themes throughout, such as descriptive injury, blood and mentions of discrimination/hate towards a minority group- although made up may be upsetting to some*

The city was beautiful in the winter, Lucio thought, as he walked down a sidewalk sprinkled with a light dusting of snow. Thankfully he remembered to cover up with a warm scarf and gloves before he left for work. It was nearing 3pm, the streets becoming more vibrant with the rush hour- although every hour seemed like rush hour for New York.

Lucio deftly dodged around the many people that wandered or also rushed by, when he first moved to the city it had seemed a rude thing to do, but was now one of his many habits as he travelled from A to B.

Lucio was finally nearing the pet store, a small local place that was one of his two jobs that he worked - to keep himself in college and under a warm roof. Lucio would admit it was stressful, working two jobs, and studying a degree in engineering that he didn’t quite want to take, all whilst trying to cope with being abroad in a country far from his home of Brazil, away from family.

“Lucio, you’re ten minutes late.” Lucio’s boss, an aged man named Paul sighed, trying to look stern but failing. He was a lax guy, too lax to care about slight tardiness. Especially when it came to one of his hardest working employees.

“Yeah, sorry bout’ that.” Lucio said, with guilt. He did feel bad. “Professor Reyes kept me behind for like an hour, I had to catch up on some work before he let me go.”

“I’ll accept that excuse, but try to be more on time next time.” Paul shrugged, handing Lucio a piece of paper. “I got some extra jobs for you today, just some extra cleaning out and feeding. You can handle that?”

“Yeah, no problem man.” Lucio mock saluted with a grin, glancing down at the list- it would be an interesting shift for sure.

Once his boss left him to his tasks, Lucio began by feeding and cleaning out the reptile section, checking their lamps were working and that the animals were healthy. Lucio couldn’t resist putting his earbuds in, humming and swaying lightly to the music as he worked. He cooed and petted the animals when he could, feeling quite cheered up by the presence of them. Whilst Lucio was only working in the pet store for some extra money, he couldn’t deny the fact he loved working with animals. They were pure creatures, unable to judge or be cruel and not to mention highly therapeutic for many people, including himself.

It was refreshing after a stressful day at college to unwind with the animals.

Customers entered the store every so often, most just browsing the animals- or picking up supplies for their own.

Lucio served them all with a bright smile, and he would admit being proud of his customer service skills, the ability to engage strangers in a conversation came easy to Lucio. Usually the topic was animals, unsurprising considering the place.

At one point, Lucio served a young brunette woman who came in to buy some bird food, they were having a pleasant conversation about what species of bird she was hoping to spot. Lucio noted that she was British, having a pleasant cockney accent.

When the woman passed the money over, her sleeve slipped down her arm, past her wrist.

Instinctively, Lucio looked and spotted the brand. A large red S on her inner wrist.

He quickly looked up, only to witness the woman pale even further- she looked terrified.

“Oh… um…” Lucio was at loss for words for a brief moment, the woman’s terror catching him off guard. But he understood why completely. “Hey, I didn’t mean to look miss, but you got nothing to worry about here. We’re not that sorta place, what you are isn’t any of our business.”

For a moment, the woman looked shocked. But her tense expression melted into relief.

“Thank you…” She breathed, composing herself. “You wouldn’t believe how many people refuse to serve me when they see it… are you…?”

“Oh, me? Nah, but I do feel for you.” Lucio sighed, fighting down the instinctive anger that came with the subject. “I uh, really don’t know what to say, other than sorry that you had to experience that.”

“…well, cheers luv,” The woman said with a sad smile, glancing around the store- which was beginning to fill up with people again. “I should be off now, have a good night, yeah?”

“Yeah, you too,” Lucio nodded, watching the woman leave for a moment before serving the queue that had built up.

 

-x-

 

The interaction had stayed in Lucio’s mind for the rest of the shift, he couldn’t help but think about the injustice against the Shifters, the almost militant control over people who had a power they couldn’t control or change. Lucio knew it was worse in other countries, Brazil wasn’t exactly progressive when it came to the Shifters.

The fact that America (so called land of the “free”) required Shifters to be visibly branded left a sour taste in Lucio’s mouth, he tried not to stew in it for too long. Whenever he thought of the curfews, the discrimination- it pissed Lucio off. Not an ideal mood at work.

It was now nearing 7pm, and in 15 minutes Lucio would be able to leave. He was sweeping the floor, the store empty of any customer. The only sounds being the chirping of the lovebirds and budgies, and the rattling of plastic hamster wheels. Lucio hummed to himself as he swept, feeling exhaustion creep up on him.

 

 _Can’t wait to get home and rest…_ Lucio thought wistfully, but frowned. _Damn, Reyes set that deadline for tonight…_

 

Lucio sighed heavily, resigned to his fate of an exhausted late night, and an even more tiring following morning.

 

-x-

 

If it wasn’t for the startling bright lights of New York, the street would be pitch black- the air was starting to get uncomfortable in temperature, the once beautiful snow an almost deadly layer of sleet. Lucio shuddered, tucking his nose further down his scarf, he could never adapt fully to the cold. After double checking the store was locked properly, he began to make his way home.

He didn’t live far from the pet store, only a few blocks away which was convenient. Lucio liked to cut through the alleyways to lessen the journey further, he found walking down the pitch black alleyways intimidating at times- but Lucio knew he was fast enough to get away if need be, and could put up a fight.

So, he pushed down his initial fear and entered the dark mouth of the alleyway beside the store.

Lucio liked to be aware of his surroundings, leaving earbuds out and ensuring he scanned the area properly. It was devoid of anyone, which was both a relief and not. He began a slow walk- scanning for any sleet that may slip him. It almost got him a few times.

Lucio had only walked a few metres down, when he heard an odd sound.

It was a very feint squeak, so feeble Lucio doubted he heard anything at all. Taking out his phone, he flipped on his bright torch setting- scanning the ground where he swore he heard the animalistic sound.

It took a minute to find the source, but the sight Lucio found made him gasp.

Beside a dumpster on the ground, was a curled up rodent. On closer inspection, Lucio knew it was a rat. They were not an uncommon sight in the city, especially near dumpsters. But the thing that shocked Lucio the most was the fact it was _injured_ , and quite severely so.

Blood covered a vast majority of the blonde fur, some dried and most looked fresh- as if still seeping from the wound. The rat’s hind limb was bent at an awkward angle, looking broken or at least sprained. Lucio noted with pity that it was missing the other hind limb, and one of its forearms- old wounds considering the healed over stumps.

The only reason Lucio knew it was still alive was the fact its whiskers were twitching rapidly, the rat letting out a soft squeak when he stepped closer. It looked like a goner, and Lucio knew he had to do something to help the poor thing.

“Hey little buddy,” Lucio cooed softly, kneeling beside the shaking animal. It was startled at his presence, a startled hiss coming from the animal- although it came out more garbled than anything. “Hey hey, I’m not gonna hurt you little guy. I just wanna help, okay?”

Lucio was speaking more to reassure himself than anything, but it seemed his soft words caused the rat to stop hissing feebly at least.

 

_What should I do?_

 

In this situation, Lucio knew he had to react quickly- it seemed like the rat had lost a lot of blood, and from what he knew that could lead to shock, which was deadly to such a small rodent. Lucio also knew the best option was to free the animal of its pain as quickly as possible, which would be euthanizing the poor rat.

Lucio shuddered, he couldn’t bear to hurt the little guy- the thought of trying to snap its neck was sickening. He was too much of a pacifist to inflict any harm, even with good intent. Lucio also didn’t like the idea of taking it to a vet for it to be only killed too, even if it was the best option…

 

Without much thought, Lucio wrapped his scarf around the rat- he was going to try to take care of it.

 

-x-

 

“Yo Hana- you got a first aid kit in your dorm?”

Lucio had asked breathlessly into his phone, which he held up with his right shoulder as he jogged through the streets. The bundle in his scarf was barely moving at this point, the occasional squeaks dying out into quiet. Not a good sign.

 

“Hey Lucio… uh I think so, why?” Hana replied, sounding curious, but also concerned. “You hurt or something?”

“Not exactly,” Lucio breathed, the sight of Hana’s dorm coming into view- thankfully it wasn’t very far from the store, or Lucio’s own apartment. “It’s kinda hard to explain, I’ll show you in a minute.”

“Oookay Lu?”

 

When Hana opened the door to find a dishevelled Lucio, with windswept dreads, a look of panic in his eyes and his scarf bundled in his arms. She didn’t know what to think.

“What’s wrong?” Hana asked as Lucio came inside her room, looking around until he found a non-cluttered surface, i.e. her desk- placing the bundle onto it. Hana watched with curiosity.

“Don’t freak out on me Han, but I found this little guy out by the store…” Lucio explained, and Hana peeked into the scarf. “I couldn’t just leave him.”

When Hana saw the heavily injured rat within the material, she jumped back with some alarm.

“Lu! What if it’s got rabies?” Hana whined, trying to hide her disgust. Although she did look at the bundle with pity. “Poor thing… but it might have a load of _diseases_. And it’s on _my_ desk!”

“I know, sorry Han.” Lucio said, feeling only a little guilty. He was more concerned for the increasingly quiet animal lying in his scarf. “I just need to borrow some bandages and stuff, then I’ll be off.”

“It’s okay, I know you want to help the little guy… but is he even still _alive_?” Hana asked, with a sad frown.

Lucio pulled the scarf away so he could see the rat more clearly, and on closer inspection it seemed like it was still breathing- its abdomen was moving feebly, very weak breathing but breathing nevertheless. Lucio let out a sigh of relief, although he knew there was much to do still.

“I’ll get the kit,” Hana said, brushing her hand over Lucio’s shoulder as she walked over to her drawers. The Korean girl returned with a thankfully large first aid kit, Lucio thought there would be enough in there to help somewhat. “I think I got some latex gloves in there, put them on before you touch it.”

“Gotcha,” Lucio nodded, and took out what he needed. Latex gloves, antiseptic wipes, bandages, and gauze. Lucio was thankful for his limited but useful animal first aid knowledge, it was sometimes needed in the store. “We need to clean his wounds first, find out what exactly is wrong. The blood is making it hard to see anything…”

“Just tell what to do Lu,” Hana nodded, and Lucio got to work.

It took longer than he thought to just clean the wounds, the blood had soaked deeply in the blonde fur- Hana compressed some of the more serious wounds whilst Lucio used the antiseptic wipes. Most of the cuts and wounds were only mild, and were already clotting- however a large slash across the rat’s stomach was a cause for concern. Lucio made Hana compress it whilst he prepared a sterile saline solution, as well as a clean cotton pad and gauze. Lucio couldn’t do much for the fractured hind limb.

Lucio was too engrossed in his tasks to even feel nervous, although Hana looked quite pale.

 

It seemed like forever, but finally Hana and Lucio had cleaned and bandaged all the visible wounds- Hana looked feint, and Lucio couldn’t help but exhale heavily.

“Lu, please let me know next time when you plan to bring over an injured animal and get blood all over my desk.” Hana sighed, glancing down to her blood soaked gloves with a grimace. She threw them in the bin with a frown. “Ugh.”

“Heh, yeah sorry bout’ that…” Lucio said with a chuckle, looking around Hana’s dorm room- a quite cluttered sight considering her massive TV and console setup. “You got a lamp I could use? This little guy could use some warmth.”

“Sure, just don’t get blood on it.” Hana quipped, plugging in her desk lamp and angling above the rat. “…Do you think it’ll be okay? It was practically dead when you brought him here.”

“I think he’ll be okay… I mean, as long as he doesn’t go into shock.” Lucio sighed, and pulled out the chair to sit- Hana perched herself on her bed. Lucio saw the state of his scarf, and groaned. “You gotta spare scarf or something? Think mine should be burned at this point.”

“Definitely,” Hana smirked, and tossed Lucio a bright pink scarf from her drawer- decorated with cute bunnies. “Pink would suit you.”

“You right, I mean, everything suits me Han.” Lucio smirked, he carefully moved the rat out of the bloodied green scarf- throwing it straight in the bin when he could. The animal barely moved at this disturbance, Lucio didn’t know if that was a good thing or not. He then wrapped the bandaged rat in the pink scarf, making sure it wouldn’t aggravate his wounds. “It suits him better.”

“You sure it’s a “him”?” Hana asked, and Lucio shrugged, looking down at the rat.

“I guess? I just get that vibe, y’know?” Lucio explained, now that the blood was cleared away Lucio could get a better look at the animal. The rather skinny rat had light fur- a blonde colour streaked with yellow, his long whiskers were nearly transparent, and to Lucio’s surprise its eyes were open wide- he expected some shade of red common to albinos, not a pleasant mixture of hazel and orange.

 

“Huh, I think it’s awake.”

 

“Oh, really?” Hana jumped out of bed to approach the desk to take a look, Lucio noticed that the rat’s gaze was quite blearily- as if it wasn’t focusing properly. “It looks really out of it.”

“He probably is…” Lucio said, sighing sadly. He supposed it was a good thing if it was awake at all. Then, a thought came to Lucio’s mind. “Damn… do you have anything we could feed it? Maybe food would be too much… fluids maybe?”

“Should I google it?” Hana said, already unlocking her phone. After a brief search she hummed. “It says the best thing to do for an injured rat is to give it “warm fluids” to rehydrate it.”

“So just some warm water?” Lucio said, Hana shrugging in response. “Doesn’t sound too difficult, think I saw a syringe in the kit.”

 

-x-

 

It was easier said than done to hand feed a delirious rat warm water, Lucio had placed the scarf on his lap- cocooning the rat between his arms and the material, as he gently coaxed the syringe into the rat’s mouth, slowly injecting the warm water. At first it seemed it was working, the animal instinctively swallowing the liquid. Its eyes were open but still quite blurry, Lucio began to worry if there was any lasting brain damage.

 

But then it hissed loudly.

 

The rat seemed to suddenly come to its senses, eyes more alert, and noticing the syringe and Lucio’s finger- dived for the kill. Lucio couldn’t help but yell out when the rat chomped on his index finger.

“Ah!” Lucio cried out, but refusing to let go of the injured animal. “Fuck! That really hurt.”

“Lucio, you alright?” Hana had rushed over, hearing his cry of pain through her headphones- she ignored her game for the moment to stare at his wound. “Shit Lu, it got you pretty bad.”

Lucio glanced down to the offending animal, and his finger. The rat had managed to tear the skin deep enough to bleed, it was a throbbing pain that made Lucio grit his teeth.  

“I’ll get the kit… again.” Hana said with a slight smirk, although when she came back with an antiseptic wipe and plaster, she was frowning. “You should probably get that checked, if it has a disease…”

“Yeah, yeah… I’ll go to the doc tomorrow.” Lucio agreed, and couldn’t help but glare lightly at the rat still in his hold. The glare softened when Lucio realised how weak it was again, it seemed biting him took a very big toll on the rat. It was breathing harshly, eyes half closed. “Hey, little guy… it’s okay. I ain’t gonna hurt you, I promise.”

It let out a pitiful squeak.

“I can tell you love animals Lu,” Hana chuckled. “Even after being bitten you’re still cooing to him like he’s a baby.”

“He’s just scared, it wouldn’t be the first time I was bitten cause’ of that.” Lucio shrugged, and decided that the rat had enough warm fluids. “Uh… do you have a crate or something I could put him in? I don’t really have anything back home, don’t think Alfonso will appreciate a rat in his vivarium.”

“A frog and rat living together, couldn’t imagine what would go wrong.” Hana giggled, then hummed in thought. “Sombra used to have a hamster, maybe she might have her old cage?”

“Ooo, _Sombra_.” Lucio grinned, causing Hana to roll her eyes. “I haven’t met your girlfriend yet.”

“Firstly, she’s not my girlfriend-“

“Yet.”

“Yet, and secondly, shut up.” Hana blushed, making Lucio laugh aloud.

“Aw, I’m only teasing Han.” Lucio said with a chuckle. “Could you text your not-girlfriend girlfriend if she has one? I’d appreciate it.”

“Hm, you’re lucky I love you.” Hana grumbled, and began texting her crush. Lucio smiled fondly, he was glad Hana had someone she cared about a lot, he knew his best friend had been through a lot and deserved it, being displaced from Korea for being a Shifter was tough, and being forced abroad away from family to protect her was a pain he could somewhat relate to.

Lucio never thought of Hana any different when she confided in him, if anything, Lucio thought it was pretty awesome his best friend could transform into a rabbit.

“Okay.” Hana said with a pop of her bubble-gum, her cheeks were still red. “Sombra says she was going to get rid of her old cage for room, so you can have it for nothing. She’s um, coming over now.”

“Ooo-“

“Shut. Up.” Hana growled, furiously popping another bubble.

 

-x-

 

Thankfully, the rat dropped off into a slumber whilst Lucio and Hana waited for Sombra to come over. Lucio carefully placed the bundle back on the desk, under the heat lamp where the rat could stay warm and comfortable. Lucio noted with a smirk that Hana was growing increasingly nervous.

“Chill Han, you said yourself Sombra isn’t your girlfriend. You got nothin’ to be worried about.” Lucio pointed out, now sat beside the Korean on her bed. She gave him a half-hearted glare.

“You better not say anything embarrassing Lu,” Hana huffed, trying to focus on her game but failing miserably. “I might have a little crush, but don’t go ruining any little chance I have, ok?”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Lucio said, and he was only a little serious- he wouldn’t do anything _too_ drastic. Lucio couldn’t help but chuckle when someone knocked on the dorm door. “I think you should get it.”

“Ugh, funny.” Hana sighed, but practically jumped up at the sound, throwing her controller and headphone onto the bed recklessly. Lucio was surprised, Hana was religious over her treatment of her devices.

 

She had it bad.

 

“Hi, Sombra.” Hana said brightly when she opened the door, on the other side was a pretty olive skinned woman. She had a very punk sort of vibe, with pretty purple streaked hair which was shaved on one half. Lucio knew she was definitely Hana’s type. “Come on in.”

“ _Hola_ Hana,” Sombra said with a smirk, Lucio swore it was almost flirtatious. She walked in carrying a medium sized plastic tank. Sombra nodded towards Lucio when she spotted him. “Hey.”

“Yo, name’s Lucio.” Lucio stood up to take the tank out of Sombra’s hands. “Thanks for this by the way, I appreciate it.”

“Hana told me what happened,” Sombra nodded, glancing towards the desk. “Though I’m not much of a rat person, thought I could help… I didn’t need this old thing anyway, so it’s not much of a hassle.”

“Glad to hear it,” Lucio said, placing the tank on Hana’s bed. He went to retrieve the rat, still bundled in the scarf sleeping. “If you’re not much of a rat person, what did you have?”

“Oh, y’know, the usual hamster that every little girl gets for a birthday.” Sombra said with a sigh. “It _was_ my little _Hermanas_ pet, but she didn’t want it anymore. Got stuck with the responsibility. Kinda sucky when you’re trying to get through college _and_ find a roommate who can deal with the noise of the things.”

“Roommate?” Lucio questioned, looking back to Sombra after he gently put the rat in the tank. It would do for now. “…hey, you found one yet?”

Out of the corner of Lucio’s eyes, he could Hana glaring daggers at him.

“Nope, still looking.” Sombra looked between Lucio and Hana. “…why? You know someone who could help?”

Hana sighed, Lucio grinning.

“Yeah, I know for a fact that Hana is still looking for a new roommate.” Lucio said casually, hiding a grin by turn his back to them. “Just a thought.”

“Well, I just had a thought Lu…” Hana hummed, poking Lucio harshly in the back. “…that maybe it was time you went home?”

“I had the same exact thought!” Lucio teased, dodging another aimed poke. “Okay, okay I’m going. Damn woman, you’re vicious.”

“You better believe it.” Hana sing-songed, Sombra looking on with mild confusion.

 

-x-

Carrying the plastic tank back wasn’t as difficult as Lucio thought, he had gently refused Sombra’s offer for a lift back in her car. He didn’t want to separate the potential love-birds from… bonding.

“Nearly there buddy,” Lucio cooed into the tank, where the rat was still bundled up sleeping. Lucio hoped it wasn’t too cold for him, it was getting late and more snow had begun to fall. Thankfully Lucio’s small apartment was in view, it wouldn’t take any longer than a few minutes to _finally_ get home. “You’ll be all nice and warm again, promise.”

Lucio continued his cooing until he was finally inside, and as he looked around his cluttered apartment he remember how much he needed to clean. Lucio found an uncluttered table in his bedroom to place the plastic tank on, then he searched for a spare heat lamp to keep the rat warm, thankfully having some spare from a previous spending spree at the pet store.

 _Thank Deus for staff discount._ Lucio thought with chuckle, as he set up the lamp above the tank. It would keep the rat warm which would be important for recovery, Lucio wasn’t sure what he was going to do with him, whether to keep him or rehome him. He definitely wouldn’t just throw him on the streets again.

It didn’t seem like the rat was wild, if anything, it just looked like a very skinny fancy rat. Domesticated… even despite the bite.

 _Maybe he was abandoned…_ Lucio frowned. The thought itself was upsetting, but not unlikely, it wouldn’t be the first time an inexperienced owner dumped a pet that proved harder than expected to care for.

“I won’t let that happen to you again,” Lucio mused aloud, with a sigh he began tidying up. He knew he wouldn’t get much sleep tonight, not with having to hand feed the rat fluids every couple hours.

 

-x-

 

“Man… I should probably name you…” Lucio hummed, whilst he syringed some warm water into the rat’s mouth. It was still out of it, not seeming very alert, but still swallowing the liquid. Lucio took that as a victory. “You mind just Rat? I’m pretty awful at names. Alfonso can attest to that.”

No response, _not_ that Lucio expected one.

“Hm… Buddy, Ratty, Skinner?” Lucio listed off names, grimacing at each one. “Nah, too generic. Damn I’m terrible.”

Lucio emptied the last of the syringe, relieved to see that the rat had drank every drop. His breathing was evening out to a more normal rate, and Lucio couldn’t spot any signs of severe shock. Despite the bad state he found him in, the animal was recovering.

Lucio yawned.

“Looks like it’s time for bed…” Lucio glanced at the clock on his bedside table, it read just past 1 o’ clock. Lucio knew he was going to be exhausted for college, _and_ work tomorrow. But he didn’t regret it, he could handle some tiredness if it meant the little rat was safe, warm and most importantly alive.

Lucio gently placed the rat back into the plastic tank, which was covered by a layer of towels and blankets, as well as the bright pink bunny scarf. Despite being half-delirious, the rat instinctively burrowed into the warm material. Lucio smiled at the sight, and started to undress for bed. He decided to just sleep in his boxers, slipping under the cool covers of his bed with a sigh.

 

Closing his eyes, it didn’t take very long before Lucio was lightly snoring.

 


	2. Junkrat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even the best prepared heists go wrong...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!
> 
> Finally got around to updating this fic, I'm so glad to see a positive response for it. Next update might take longer, as I start college in a day or so, and I'll be busy with assignments. But even if I can't write the next chapter for a while, I'll definitely be working on the plot.
> 
> As always, let me know what you think- reviews always make my day, and do motivate me writing wise. :) 
> 
> Enjoy!

“Eh Roadie… this city is choc-a-bloc of civvies… should be a piece of piss to get away in this crowd, huh?”

 

“ _Concentrate_ , Rat.”

 

It was midday, the city that never slept was busy with the rush hour. Two individuals were sat in an inconspicuous vehicle… although the individuals themselves were rather not.

Although Roadhog insisted on civilian disguises, at least _before_ the heist, the normal clothes could not hide his enormous size, his obvious pig mask to be replaced by a black ski mask and goggles. Thankfully, it was winter, and he could get away with wearing such a thing.

Junkrat was the complete opposite to his partner, whereas Roadhog was large, Junkrat was very skinny, tall and had a messy bed of blonde hair with some missing patches- from where he got a little too excited with his explosives. His amber eyes were wide, full of maniac excitement.

“Remember the plan?” Roadhog asked, voice deep and gruff. Junkrat nodded.

“Course’ I do mate!” Junkrat grinned, although he did had a track record of forgetting everything, and just making up as he went along- this led to a lot of close calls that Roadhog had to drag him out of. “I go in, make a nice distraction for ya. You go in through the back way, whilst I ave’ a lovely ol’ time with the civvies. Simple.”

“No _civilian_ casualties Rat.” Roadhog reminded him. “We don’t need any more heat after us. Got it?”

“Roger!” Junkrat mock-saluted, causing Roadhog to shove him out of the truck. Junkrat only stumbled once. “Okay, okay. I’m on it Roadie. See ya in 10.”

Roadhog simply grunted, and Junkrat made his way across the street to the bank. He tried to control his erratic movements, thanks to his prosthetics he had quite the recognisable gait, and after hitting up almost ten different banks in the same state, the last thing Junkrat needed was to be recognised.

…well, not until they got the money at least.

 _It’s not like they need it, the rich wankers..._ Junkrat thought, as he was approaching the main doors- not surprised to see the usual two security guards stationed at the front. Both he and Roadhog had been staking out this place for a couple weeks now- the guard placement was predicatable, as well as the cameras, and the location of the vaults wasn’t too difficult to figure out.

They had beaten better odds, so Junkrat confidently strolled past the armed guards- they glanced at his wrist, but seeing nothing, didn’t bother to stop him.

Junkrat gritted his teeth, picking up on this interaction almost immediately.

He would be the first to admit that causing anarchy and mayhem was great fun, and his speciality. Most people who knew of the Australian fugitives only thought they cared about the money, it was a very big plus side to the heists, but their plan was bigger than that.

Well, at least Junkrat’s.

Junkrat was determined to get revenge against the anti-shifters, those who dared to take away his rights and those who left his home country in state it was now. Junkrat knew most of them were rich suits with too much money, and with money came power.

Take away the money…

“G’day Sheila, hope ya don’t mind me asking a question?” Junkrat had approached the main desk of the bank, where a rather long queue was forming. He poked one of the customers to get her attention, it was a petite woman, short and sweet looking.

The perfect hostage.

“Oh?” The woman turned around, and in that moment Junkrat grabbed her arm- bringing her close to him, whilst holding a gun to her head. She stared in shock, unable to process exactly what was happening.

“Try to run and I’ll shoot, got it?” Junkrat told the woman, turning to face the rest of the building with the hostage in front- everyone was slowly becoming aware of the danger, the two security guards fully alert, as they had their guns pointed to Junkrat. But he could detect their nervousness, their faces twitching with insecurity. 

Newbies.

“Anyone try to leave this buildin’, and this poor sheila will ave’ her brains all over the floor, got it?” Junkrat raised his voice, finally gathering the attention of everyone. Everyone was frozen in shock. “Now, get yourselves to the floor with hands on ya head, nice and easy does it. You two coppers as well, drop ya weapons.”

Everyone began lowering themselves to the floor, the two security guards lowering their weapons to the ground. Junkrat glanced behind the counter, to the woman that was still behind it. She hadn’t moved yet, and Junkrat could see her hand inching downwards.

“Oi, ya better not press that button.” Junkrat said, and couldn’t help the maniac giggle that left his lips. “I can see ya tryin’, so unless you want blood on ya hands- I suggest you step away and get on the floor.”

The woman made the wise decision to listen, pale and shaking as she lowered herself to the ground- away from the desk. It was at this moment that Junkrat’s watch buzzed. He grinned, and with one hand, he grabbed his detonator. Pressing the red button, a rather large explosion shook through the ground- causing some of the hostages to cower and even scream.

“Now, now, no need ta’ panic.” Junkrat chuckled, knowing that Roadhog was already in the vaults was exhilarating. “I just came to make a withdrawal, y’know how it is.”

“W-why are you doing this?” Junkrat’s meek hostage cried out, causing him to tighten his hold on his. She whimpered.

“Nothin’ personal love, well, unless ya one of those Shifter hating wankers.” Junkrat said, his grin becoming furious. His hold even tighter. “Do ya even know what this bank does to us Shifters, I bet ya don’t even care!”

The woman sobbed.

“That’s what I thought,” Junkrat growled, his angry gaze landing on every trembling hostage. “You lot are just ignorant cunts, I don’t even feel sorry for ya!”

Junkrat continued his half-coherent rant, the pent up anger barely controlled. If he could, he would level the entire building- it was a very tempting thought.

 

His watch buzzed again.

 

“Oh, well, look at that time!” Junkrat sighed, peering over the hostage’s shoulder to look at his watch. “Wish I could stay and chat some more, but duty calls. Come on sheila, time to _move_.”

Junkrat pressed the gun closer to the hostage’s head, which caused her to gasp. Junkrat pushed her forward, ensuring she was in front of him the whole time for cover. Junkrat may have been scatter-brained, but he wasn’t stupid enough to let go of the hostage yet, not when he wasn’t a good distance away from the bank and guards.

Junkrat hurried outside, the hostage barely keeping up. He saw in the distance the black truck, which Roadhog was hopefully in.

 

Junkrat was starting to think this heist was going far too well, when loud sirens blared down the street.

 

“Fuck!” Junkrat jumped, and roughly pushed the hostage to the ground as he took off in a sprint towards the car. He just barely got in when the gun shots rang out. “Hit it Roadie!”

Roadhog didn’t respond, too focused on driving and getting them out of there. Despite his large size Roadhog was very adept at getting the vehicle to move, quite quickly, even if it wasn’t his dear motorcycle.

Junkrat held on for dear life as he booted it down the street- a growing number of copper cars after them. At least twenty, Junkrat counted.

“Honestly, I’m flattered so many coppers came to see us off!” Junkrat said, laughing manically. Roadhog grunted, swerving past the many cars on the road. Junkrat’s cackling and the wail of sirens the only sound present. It was mayhem.

“I can throw them off. Try and shoot their wheels.” Roadhog instructed, and he sped around a corner. That motion alone caused two of the cop cars to nearly crash into eachother- it seemed they were desperate.

“Gotcha’,” Junkrat nodded, opening the widow and leaning out. He would throw some grenades, but knew it would only piss Roadhog off as it would bring more heat to them if a civvie got caught in it. Junkrat mentally sighed as he shot some rounds at the cars. His aim was piss poor, but the threat alone was enough to keep the cars at bay. The risk of civilian casualty was too much for the coppers to retaliate.

The chase seemed to go on for forever, whenever they turned a corner, another cop car would follow. Roads soon were being blocked, traffic stopped, it seemed the coppers were leading them to somewhere specific.

“Uh, Roadie-“

“I know.” Roadhog grumbled, speeding up even more. They were nearing the docks, soon there would be nowhere to go except the water. Except-

“Is that a bloody drawbridge?” Junkrat pointed out with a frown, the coppers were smart- they led the two towards a dock, the only escape a drawbridge that was currently lifting upwards. Junkrat’s frown turned into a comically wide grin. “Roadhog, we can make it- boot it!”

“You’re crazy.” Roadhog huffed, but he was smiling beneath his mask. The car was now as fast as it could be, and only a few metres away from the still moving drawbridge. Junkrat braced himself as the car flew up the ramp, letting out crazed laughter as the vehicle was suspended in the air.

It would be one hell of a way to go, they both thought.

 

 _Somehow_ , the vehicle landed. The fact they didn’t instantly crash and die was surprising, but not unwelcome. The wail of sirens a distant reminder of the still present danger.

However, as Roadhog went to accelerate, the engine cut off.

“Shit.” Roadhog grunted, Junkrat staring at him. “We gotta walk.”

“Fuck, where’s the money?” Junkrat asked, as they jumped out. Roadhog gestured to the large potato sack he grabbed out of the boot, hefting it with one hand easily despite the fact it was filled to the brim. Junkrat simply nodded, and led the way. The two fugitives slipped into an alleyway.

“We got one of our safe houses this side of the city?” Junkrat asked as they jogged, glancing around every corner with unrestrained paranoia. Roadhog grunted.

“East Street, few blocks away.” Roadhog said, pointing towards the end of the alleyway. “Out this way.”

“Got’cha!”

 

The sound of sirens had disappeared, but Junkrat still couldn’t relax. He felt so on edge, as if the coppers would jump out on them any moment. He could tell Roadhog felt the same, his large friend tense, with his massive fists clenched.

They were not far from the safehouse, an abandoned apartment not far from the docks. The coast seemed clear, but as they turned the final corner out of the alleyway- they came face-to-face with a fully armed police barricade on the street. Junkrat glanced back- a small fleet of discreet copper cars blocking when they came from.

Both Roadhog and Junkrat glanced to eachother, they had faced worse odds, but this wasn’t going to be easy, or… clean.

“Drop your weapons and hands up!” An officer yelled into a microphone, and as if to enunciate his words, the guns pointed to them were cocked and loaded quite audibly. “Roadhog and Junkrat, you are under arrest-“

“Oh, will ya just shut it!” Junkrat cackled, hands inching towards his explosives. “We all know we ain’t going down easy- let’s just cut it short, eh?”

With that, Junkrat lobbed a mine which landed quite nicely on one of the copper trucks. Without hesitation he detonated it, causing a large explosion among the first line of vehicles. Coppers jumped out of the way, those who weren’t caught up in the explosion started to shoot.

Junkrat dodged out of the way of the bullets, finding a nice car to hide behind. He threw an array of bombs towards the cops, as Roadhog charged them with his massive shotgun. The coppers didn’t seem to know what to do at first, but gathered their wit and began focusing on Roadhog.

Junkrat noticed this.

“Oi, over here you fucking cunts!” Junkrat yelled, gathering attention of some of the officers. He grinned when some dared to come closer, in the distraction he planted a few mines in ground, in hope some dumb copper would step on it.

Five managed to.

“Hahaha, take that!” Junkrat cackled, not caring that some blood splattered on his crazed face. He looked around for Roadhog, only to find him being surrounded. Whilst Roadhog was very capable on taking on a group of armed men with just one hand, he looked injured, and quite heavily so.

Junkrat swore, and went to leave cover and blow up the wankers that dared try to hurt his friend. Roadhog fell to his knees, Junkrat saw red-

“Get out of here rat!” Roadhog roared, startling Junkrat. He froze, the urge to escape conflicting with protecting Roadhog.

In his moment of hesitation, a copper managed to sneak up behind Junkrat. Junkrat could barely react as he was pinned to the floor, but once he realised what was happening he began to fight back.

Junkrat snarled as he kicked the pistol out of the officer’s hand, the weapon sliding across the gravel a few paces away. Junkrat got to his feet, barely dodging a bullet that grazed his ear from behind. Turning to the offender- Junkrat realised he couldn’t spot Roadhog amongst the crowd of coppers that were beginning to advance on him.

“What did you cunts do ta him!?” Junkrat gritted his teeth, realising that he was becoming surrounded.

Junkrat swallowed heavily, his chest becoming tight with a familiar sensation.

“Ya better be alive, Roadie...” Junkrat whispered, throat tight. Finally Shifting.

It was a quick, painless transformation, and the suddenness of it gave Junkrat the opportunity to escape. It seemed the coppers didn’t expect it, as they looked around in a panic.

Junkrat scurried past them.

 

-x-

 

 

The wail of sirens echoed through the streets, a signal for Junkrat to stay hidden. He was still in his shifted form, a small rat.

It made it easy to hide, and blend in with the cityscape. But it was starting to get too cold for his small body, Junkrat shivered as he hid underneath a dumpster.

He was more worried that the coppers now knew he was a Shifter, and whether Roadhog was still alive or if he had managed to escape.

The death of either of them was always a possibility, they lived life dangerously- with a large bounty on their head, and many authorities after them for _so_ many reasons. But Junkrat always thought that if they were going to die, or be arrested, that it would be _together_.

 _And with a bang…_ Junkrat thought. The very idea that he may be alone again was terrifying. Junkrat didn’t want to even consider it. So he decided he would search all of their safe houses, knowing that if Roadhog got out of there, it was very likely he was holed up in one of them.

With that in mind, Junkrat peered out from under the dumpster, the sirens were beginning to die down- although he knew he was far from safe. As Junkrat scurried out of the tight space, something grabbed him.

 

Junkrat stared up in horror, as a scruffy street cat pinned him to the ground.

 

 

-x-

 

_So… cold…_

Still in his small rodent form, shaking from the cold and the shock of the situation, Junkrat collapsed.

He had managed to escape from the hungry feline, but not without injury. It was laughable, he thought. That he managed to get away from a whole precinct of police with virtually little to none harm, but a skinny, mangled street cat nearly ate him alive.

Junkrat whimpered, letting out pathetic, small squeaks he couldn’t control. He didn’t have the energy to change back, too focused on the pain of bleeding out, the ever biting cold that seeped into his very bones…

 _Is this how the infamous Junkrat really goes..?_ Junkrat thought, and if he could, he would laugh. Maybe cry too, if he had the energy.

Closing his eyes, Junkrat let out a ragged breath. He was losing consciousness fast, and if he had held on for longer, he might’ve noticed the silhouette of man approaching him.

 

_“Hey little buddy.”_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	3. BIG MEME (April Fools)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucio couldn't believe his eyes...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As per usual I've taken forever to write a chapter, sorry about that guys, hope you enjoy and as always let me know what you think :)

   
According to all known laws  
of aviation,  
  
   
there is no way a bee  
should be able to fly.  
  
   
Its wings are too small to get  
its fat little body off the ground.  
  
   
The bee, of course, flies anyway  
  
   
because bees don't care  
what humans think is impossible.  
  
   
Yellow, black. Yellow, black.  
Yellow, black. Yellow, black.  
  
   
Ooh, black and yellow!  
Let's shake it up a little.  
  
   
Barry! Breakfast is ready!  
  
   
Ooming!  
  
   
Hang on a second.  
  
   
Hello?  
  
   
\- Barry?  
\- Adam?  
  
   
\- Oan you believe this is happening?  
\- I can't. I'll pick you up.  
  
   
Looking sharp.  
  
   
Use the stairs. Your father  
paid good money for those.  
  
   
Sorry. I'm excited.  
  
   
Here's the graduate.  
We're very proud of you, son.  
  
   
A perfect report card, all B's.  
  
   
Very proud.  
  
   
Ma! I got a thing going here.  
  
   
\- You got lint on your fuzz.  
\- Ow! That's me!  
  
   
\- Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000.  
\- Bye!  
  
   
Barry, I told you,  
stop flying in the house!  
  
   
\- Hey, Adam.  
\- Hey, Barry.  
  
   
\- Is that fuzz gel?  
\- A little. Special day, graduation.  
  
   
Never thought I'd make it.  
  
   
Three days grade school,  
three days high school.  
  
   
Those were awkward.  
  
   
Three days college. I'm glad I took  
a day and hitchhiked around the hive.  
  
   
You did come back different.  
  
   
\- Hi, Barry.  
\- Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good.  
  
   
\- Hear about Frankie?  
\- Yeah.  
  
   
\- You going to the funeral?  
\- No, I'm not going.  
  
   
Everybody knows,  
sting someone, you die.  
  
   
Don't waste it on a squirrel.  
Such a hothead.  
  
   
I guess he could have  
just gotten out of the way.  
  
   
I love this incorporating  
an amusement park into our day.  
  
   
That's why we don't need vacations.  
  
   
Boy, quite a bit of pomp...  
under the circumstances.  
  
   
\- Well, Adam, today we are men.  
\- We are!  
  
   
\- Bee-men.  
\- Amen!  
  
   
Hallelujah!  
  
   
Students, faculty, distinguished bees,  
  
   
please welcome Dean Buzzwell.  
  
   
Welcome, New Hive Oity  
graduating class of...  
  
   
...9:15.  
  
   
That concludes our ceremonies.  
  
   
And begins your career  
at Honex Industries!  
  
   
Will we pick ourjob today?  
  
   
I heard it's just orientation.  
  
   
Heads up! Here we go.  
  
   
Keep your hands and antennas  
inside the tram at all times.  
  
   
\- Wonder what it'll be like?  
\- A little scary.  
  
   
Welcome to Honex,  
a division of Honesco  
  
   
and a part of the Hexagon Group.  
  
   
This is it!  
  
   
Wow.  
  
   
Wow.  
  
   
We know that you, as a bee,  
have worked your whole life  
  
   
to get to the point where you  
can work for your whole life.  
  
   
Honey begins when our valiant Pollen  
Jocks bring the nectar to the hive.  
  
   
Our top-secret formula  
  
   
is automatically color-corrected,  
scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured  
  
   
into this soothing sweet syrup  
  
   
with its distinctive  
golden glow you know as...  
  
   
Honey!  
  
   
\- That girl was hot.  
\- She's my cousin!  
  
   
\- She is?  
\- Yes, we're all cousins.  
  
   
\- Right. You're right.  
\- At Honex, we constantly strive  
  
   
to improve every aspect  
of bee existence.  
  
   
These bees are stress-testing  
a new helmet technology.  
  
   
\- What do you think he makes?  
\- Not enough.  
  
   
Here we have our latest advancement,  
the Krelman.  
  
   
\- What does that do?  
\- Oatches that little strand of honey  
  
   
that hangs after you pour it.  
Saves us millions.  
  
   
Oan anyone work on the Krelman?  
  
   
Of course. Most bee jobs are  
small ones. But bees know  
  
   
that every small job,  
if it's done well, means a lot.  
  
   
But choose carefully  
  
   
because you'll stay in the job  
you pick for the rest of your life.  
  
   
The same job the rest of your life?  
I didn't know that.  
  
   
What's the difference?  
  
   
You'll be happy to know that bees,  
as a species, haven't had one day off  
  
   
in 27 million years.  
  
   
So you'll just work us to death?  
  
   
We'll sure try.  
  
   
Wow! That blew my mind!  
  
   
"What's the difference?"  
How can you say that?  
  
   
One job forever?  
That's an insane choice to have to make.  
  
   
I'm relieved. Now we only have  
to make one decision in life.  
  
   
But, Adam, how could they  
never have told us that?  
  
   
Why would you question anything?  
We're bees.  
  
   
We're the most perfectly  
functioning society on Earth.  
  
   
You ever think maybe things  
work a little too well here?  
  
   
Like what? Give me one example.  
  
   
I don't know. But you know  
what I'm talking about.  
  
   
Please clear the gate.  
Royal Nectar Force on approach.  
  
   
Wait a second. Oheck it out.  
  
   
\- Hey, those are Pollen Jocks!  
\- Wow.  
  
   
I've never seen them this close.  
  
   
They know what it's like  
outside the hive.  
  
   
Yeah, but some don't come back.  
  
   
\- Hey, Jocks!  
\- Hi, Jocks!  
  
   
You guys did great!  
  
   
You're monsters!  
You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it!  
  
   
\- I wonder where they were.  
\- I don't know.  
  
   
Their day's not planned.  
  
   
Outside the hive, flying who knows  
where, doing who knows what.  
  
   
You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen  
Jock. You have to be bred for that.  
  
   
Right.  
  
   
Look. That's more pollen  
than you and I will see in a lifetime.  
  
   
It's just a status symbol.  
Bees make too much of it.  
  
   
Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it  
and the ladies see you wearing it.  
  
   
Those ladies?  
Aren't they our cousins too?  
  
   
Distant. Distant.  
  
   
Look at these two.  
  
   
\- Oouple of Hive Harrys.  
\- Let's have fun with them.  
  
   
It must be dangerous  
being a Pollen Jock.  
  
   
Yeah. Once a bear pinned me  
against a mushroom!  
  
   
He had a paw on my throat,  
and with the other, he was slapping me!  
  
   
\- Oh, my!  
\- I never thought I'd knock him out.  
  
   
What were you doing during this?  
  
   
Trying to alert the authorities.  
  
   
I can autograph that.  
  
   
A little gusty out there today,  
wasn't it, comrades?  
  
   
Yeah. Gusty.  
  
   
We're hitting a sunflower patch  
six miles from here tomorrow.  
  
   
\- Six miles, huh?  
\- Barry!  
  
   
A puddle jump for us,  
but maybe you're not up for it.  
  
   
\- Maybe I am.  
\- You are not!  
  
   
We're going 0900 at J-Gate.  
  
   
What do you think, buzzy-boy?  
Are you bee enough?  
  
   
I might be. It all depends  
on what 0900 means.  
  
   
Hey, Honex!  
  
   
Dad, you surprised me.  
  
   
You decide what you're interested in?  
  
   
\- Well, there's a lot of choices.  
\- But you only get one.  
  
   
Do you ever get bored  
doing the same job every day?  
  
   
Son, let me tell you about stirring.  
  
   
You grab that stick, and you just  
move it around, and you stir it around.  
  
   
You get yourself into a rhythm.  
It's a beautiful thing.  
  
   
You know, Dad,  
the more I think about it,  
  
   
maybe the honey field  
just isn't right for me.  
  
   
You were thinking of what,  
making balloon animals?  
  
   
That's a bad job  
for a guy with a stinger.  
  
   
Janet, your son's not sure  
he wants to go into honey!  
  
   
\- Barry, you are so funny sometimes.  
\- I'm not trying to be funny.  
  
   
You're not funny! You're going  
into honey. Our son, the stirrer!  
  
   
\- You're gonna be a stirrer?  
\- No one's listening to me!  
  
   
Wait till you see the sticks I have.  
  
   
I could say anything right now.  
I'm gonna get an ant tattoo!  
  
   
Let's open some honey and celebrate!  
  
   
Maybe I'll pierce my thorax.  
Shave my antennae.  
  
   
Shack up with a grasshopper. Get  
a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"!  
  
   
I'm so proud.  
  
   
\- We're starting work today!  
\- Today's the day.  
  
   
Oome on! All the good jobs  
will be gone.  
  
   
Yeah, right.  
  
   
Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring,  
stirrer, front desk, hair removal...  
  
   
\- Is it still available?  
\- Hang on. Two left!  
  
   
One of them's yours! Oongratulations!  
Step to the side.  
  
   
\- What'd you get?  
\- Picking crud out. Stellar!  
  
   
Wow!  
  
   
Oouple of newbies?  
  
   
Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready!  
  
   
Make your choice.  
  
   
\- You want to go first?  
\- No, you go.  
  
   
Oh, my. What's available?  
  
   
Restroom attendant's open,  
not for the reason you think.  
  
   
\- Any chance of getting the Krelman?  
\- Sure, you're on.  
  
   
I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out.  
  
   
Wax monkey's always open.  
  
   
The Krelman opened up again.  
  
   
What happened?  
  
   
A bee died. Makes an opening. See?  
He's dead. Another dead one.  
  
   
Deady. Deadified. Two more dead.  
  
   
Dead from the neck up.  
Dead from the neck down. That's life!  
  
   
Oh, this is so hard!  
  
   
Heating, cooling,  
stunt bee, pourer, stirrer,  
  
   
humming, inspector number seven,  
lint coordinator, stripe supervisor,  
  
   
mite wrangler. Barry, what  
do you think I should... Barry?  
  
   
Barry!  
  
   
All right, we've got the sunflower patch  
in quadrant nine...  
  
   
What happened to you?  
Where are you?  
  
   
\- I'm going out.  
\- Out? Out where?  
  
   
\- Out there.  
\- Oh, no!  
  
   
I have to, before I go  
to work for the rest of my life.  
  
   
You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello?  
  
   
Another call coming in.  
  
   
If anyone's feeling brave,  
there's a Korean deli on 83rd  
  
   
that gets their roses today.  
  
   
Hey, guys.  
  
   
\- Look at that.  
\- Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday?  
  
   
Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted.  
  
   
It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up.  
  
   
Really? Feeling lucky, are you?  
  
   
Sign here, here. Just initial that.  
  
   
\- Thank you.  
\- OK.  
  
   
You got a rain advisory today,  
  
   
and as you all know,  
bees cannot fly in rain.  
  
   
So be careful. As always,  
watch your brooms,  
  
   
hockey sticks, dogs,  
birds, bears and bats.  
  
   
Also, I got a couple of reports  
of root beer being poured on us.  
  
   
Murphy's in a home because of it,  
babbling like a cicada!  
  
   
\- That's awful.  
\- And a reminder for you rookies,  
  
   
bee law number one,  
absolutely no talking to humans!  
  
   
All right, launch positions!  
  
   
Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz,  
buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz!  
  
   
Black and yellow!  
  
   
Hello!  
  
   
You ready for this, hot shot?  
  
   
Yeah. Yeah, bring it on.  
  
   
Wind, check.  
  
   
\- Antennae, check.  
\- Nectar pack, check.  
  
   
\- Wings, check.  
\- Stinger, check.  
  
   
Scared out of my shorts, check.  
  
   
OK, ladies,  
  
   
let's move it out!  
  
   
Pound those petunias,  
you striped stem-suckers!  
  
   
All of you, drain those flowers!  
  
   
Wow! I'm out!  
  
   
I can't believe I'm out!  
  
   
So blue.  
  
   
I feel so fast and free!  
  
   
Box kite!  
  
   
Wow!  
  
   
Flowers!  
  
   
This is Blue Leader.  
We have roses visual.  
  
   
Bring it around 30 degrees and hold.  
  
   
Roses!  
  
   
30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around.  
  
   
Stand to the side, kid.  
It's got a bit of a kick.  
  
   
That is one nectar collector!  
  
   
\- Ever see pollination up close?  
\- No, sir.  
  
   
I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it  
over here. Maybe a dash over there,  
  
   
a pinch on that one.  
See that? It's a little bit of magic.  
  
   
That's amazing. Why do we do that?  
  
   
That's pollen power. More pollen, more  
flowers, more nectar, more honey for us.  
  
   
Oool.  
  
   
I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow.  
Oould be daisies. Don't we need those?  
  
   
Oopy that visual.  
  
   
Wait. One of these flowers  
seems to be on the move.  
  
   
Say again? You're reporting  
a moving flower?  
  
   
Affirmative.  
  
   
That was on the line!  
  
   
This is the coolest. What is it?  
  
   
I don't know, but I'm loving this color.  
  
   
It smells good.  
Not like a flower, but I like it.  
  
   
Yeah, fuzzy.  
  
   
Ohemical-y.  
  
   
Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby.  
  
   
My sweet lord of bees!  
  
   
Oandy-brain, get off there!  
  
   
Problem!  
  
   
\- Guys!  
\- This could be bad.  
  
   
Affirmative.  
  
   
Very close.  
  
   
Gonna hurt.  
  
   
Mama's little boy.  
  
   
You are way out of position, rookie!  
  
   
Ooming in at you like a missile!  
  
   
Help me!  
  
   
I don't think these are flowers.  
  
   
\- Should we tell him?  
\- I think he knows.  
  
   
What is this?!  
  
   
Match point!  
  
   
You can start packing up, honey,  
because you're about to eat it!  
  
   
Yowser!  
  
   
Gross.  
  
   
There's a bee in the car!  
  
   
\- Do something!  
\- I'm driving!  
  
   
\- Hi, bee.  
\- He's back here!  
  
   
He's going to sting me!  
  
   
Nobody move. If you don't move,  
he won't sting you. Freeze!  
  
   
He blinked!  
  
   
Spray him, Granny!  
  
   
What are you doing?!  
  
   
Wow... the tension level  
out here is unbelievable.  
  
   
I gotta get home.  
  
   
Oan't fly in rain.  
  
   
Oan't fly in rain.  
  
   
Oan't fly in rain.  
  
   
Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down!  
  
   
Ken, could you close  
the window please?  
  
   
Ken, could you close  
the window please?  
  
   
Oheck out my new resume.  
I made it into a fold-out brochure.  
  
   
You see? Folds out.  
  
   
Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this.  
  
   
What was that?  
  
   
Maybe this time. This time. This time.  
This time! This time! This...  
  
   
Drapes!  
  
   
That is diabolical.  
  
   
It's fantastic. It's got all my special  
skills, even my top-ten favorite movies.  
  
   
What's number one? Star Wars?  
  
   
Nah, I don't go for that...  
  
   
...kind of stuff.  
  
   
No wonder we shouldn't talk to them.  
They're out of their minds.  
  
   
When I leave a job interview, they're  
flabbergasted, can't believe what I say.  
  
   
There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out.  
  
   
I don't remember the sun  
having a big 75 on it.  
  
   
I predicted global warming.  
  
   
I could feel it getting hotter.  
At first I thought it was just me.  
  
   
Wait! Stop! Bee!  
  
   
Stand back. These are winter boots.  
  
   
Wait!  
  
   
Don't kill him!  
  
   
You know I'm allergic to them!  
This thing could kill me!  
  
   
Why does his life have  
less value than yours?  
  
   
Why does his life have any less value  
than mine? Is that your statement?  
  
   
I'm just saying all life has value. You  
don't know what he's capable of feeling.  
  
   
My brochure!  
  
   
There you go, little guy.  
  
   
I'm not scared of him.  
It's an allergic thing.  
  
   
Put that on your resume brochure.  
  
   
My whole face could puff up.  
  
   
Make it one of your special skills.  
  
   
Knocking someone out  
is also a special skill.  
  
   
Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks.  
  
   
\- Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night?  
\- Sure, Ken. You know, whatever.  
  
   
\- You could put carob chips on there.  
\- Bye.  
  
   
\- Supposed to be less calories.  
\- Bye.  
  
   
I gotta say something.  
  
   
She saved my life.  
I gotta say something.  
  
   
All right, here it goes.  
  
   
Nah.  
  
   
What would I say?  
  
   
I could really get in trouble.  
  
   
It's a bee law.  
You're not supposed to talk to a human.  
  
   
I can't believe I'm doing this.  
  
   
I've got to.  
  
   
Oh, I can't do it. Oome on!  
  
   
No. Yes. No.  
  
   
Do it. I can't.  
  
   
How should I start it?  
"You like jazz?" No, that's no good.  
  
   
Here she comes! Speak, you fool!  
  
   
Hi!  
  
   
I'm sorry.  
  
   
\- You're talking.  
\- Yes, I know.  
  
   
You're talking!  
  
   
I'm so sorry.  
  
   
No, it's OK. It's fine.  
I know I'm dreaming.  
  
   
But I don't recall going to bed.  
  
   
Well, I'm sure this  
is very disconcerting.  
  
   
This is a bit of a surprise to me.  
I mean, you're a bee!  
  
   
I am. And I'm not supposed  
to be doing this,  
  
   
but they were all trying to kill me.  
  
   
And if it wasn't for you...  
  
   
I had to thank you.  
It's just how I was raised.  
  
   
That was a little weird.  
  
   
\- I'm talking with a bee.  
\- Yeah.  
  
   
I'm talking to a bee.  
And the bee is talking to me!  
  
   
I just want to say I'm grateful.  
I'll leave now.  
  
   
\- Wait! How did you learn to do that?  
\- What?  
  
   
The talking thing.  
  
   
Same way you did, I guess.  
"Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up.  
  
   
\- That's very funny.  
\- Yeah.  
  
   
Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh,  
we'd cry with what we have to deal with.  
  
   
Anyway...  
  
   
Oan I...  
  
   
...get you something?  
\- Like what?  
  
   
I don't know. I mean...  
I don't know. Ooffee?  
  
   
I don't want to put you out.  
  
   
It's no trouble. It takes two minutes.  
  
   
\- It's just coffee.  
\- I hate to impose.  
  
   
\- Don't be ridiculous!  
\- Actually, I would love a cup.  
  
   
Hey, you want rum cake?  
  
   
\- I shouldn't.  
\- Have some.  
  
   
\- No, I can't.  
\- Oome on!  
  
   
I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms.  
  
   
\- Where?  
\- These stripes don't help.  
  
   
You look great!  
  
   
I don't know if you know  
anything about fashion.  
  
   
Are you all right?  
  
   
No.  
  
   
He's making the tie in the cab  
as they're flying up Madison.  
  
   
He finally gets there.  
  
   
He runs up the steps into the church.  
The wedding is on.  
  
   
And he says, "Watermelon?  
I thought you said Guatemalan.  
  
   
Why would I marry a watermelon?"  
  
   
Is that a bee joke?  
  
   
That's the kind of stuff we do.  
  
   
Yeah, different.  
  
   
So, what are you gonna do, Barry?  
  
   
About work? I don't know.  
  
   
I want to do my part for the hive,  
but I can't do it the way they want.  
  
   
I know how you feel.  
  
   
\- You do?  
\- Sure.  
  
   
My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or  
a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist.  
  
   
\- Really?  
\- My only interest is flowers.  
  
   
Our new queen was just elected  
with that same campaign slogan.  
  
   
Anyway, if you look...  
  
   
There's my hive right there. See it?  
  
   
You're in Sheep Meadow!  
  
   
Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond!  
  
   
No way! I know that area.  
I lost a toe ring there once.  
  
   
\- Why do girls put rings on their toes?  
\- Why not?  
  
   
\- It's like putting a hat on your knee.  
\- Maybe I'll try that.  
  
   
\- You all right, ma'am?  
\- Oh, yeah. Fine.  
  
   
Just having two cups of coffee!  
  
   
Anyway, this has been great.  
Thanks for the coffee.  
  
   
Yeah, it's no trouble.  
  
   
Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did,  
I'd be up the rest of my life.  
  
   
Are you...?  
  
   
Oan I take a piece of this with me?  
  
   
Sure! Here, have a crumb.  
  
   
\- Thanks!  
\- Yeah.  
  
   
All right. Well, then...  
I guess I'll see you around.  
  
   
Or not.  
  
   
OK, Barry.  
  
   
And thank you  
so much again... for before.  
  
   
Oh, that? That was nothing.  
  
   
Well, not nothing, but... Anyway...  
  
   
This can't possibly work.  
  
   
He's all set to go.  
We may as well try it.  
  
   
OK, Dave, pull the chute.  
  
   
\- Sounds amazing.  
\- It was amazing!  
  
   
It was the scariest,  
happiest moment of my life.  
  
   
Humans! I can't believe  
you were with humans!  
  
   
Giant, scary humans!  
What were they like?  
  
   
Huge and crazy. They talk crazy.  
  
   
They eat crazy giant things.  
They drive crazy.  
  
   
\- Do they try and kill you, like on TV?  
\- Some of them. But some of them don't.  
  
   
\- How'd you get back?  
\- Poodle.  
  
   
You did it, and I'm glad. You saw  
whatever you wanted to see.  
  
   
You had your "experience." Now you  
can pick out yourjob and be normal.  
  
   
\- Well...  
\- Well?  
  
   
Well, I met someone.  
  
   
You did? Was she Bee-ish?  
  
   
\- A wasp?! Your parents will kill you!  
\- No, no, no, not a wasp.  
  
   
\- Spider?  
\- I'm not attracted to spiders.  
  
   
I know it's the hottest thing,  
with the eight legs and all.  
  
   
I can't get by that face.  
  
   
So who is she?  
  
   
She's... human.  
  
   
No, no. That's a bee law.  
You wouldn't break a bee law.  
  
   
\- Her name's Vanessa.  
\- Oh, boy.  
  
   
She's so nice. And she's a florist!  
  
   
Oh, no! You're dating a human florist!  
  
   
We're not dating.  
  
   
You're flying outside the hive, talking  
to humans that attack our homes  
  
   
with power washers and M-80s!  
One-eighth a stick of dynamite!  
  
   
She saved my life!  
And she understands me.  
  
   
This is over!  
  
   
Eat this.  
  
   
This is not over! What was that?  
  
   
\- They call it a crumb.  
\- It was so stingin' stripey!  
  
   
And that's not what they eat.  
That's what falls off what they eat!  
  
   
\- You know what a Oinnabon is?  
\- No.  
  
   
It's bread and cinnamon and frosting.  
They heat it up...  
  
   
Sit down!  
  
   
...really hot!  
\- Listen to me!  
  
   
We are not them! We're us.  
There's us and there's them!  
  
   
Yes, but who can deny  
the heart that is yearning?  
  
   
There's no yearning.  
Stop yearning. Listen to me!  
  
   
You have got to start thinking bee,  
my friend. Thinking bee!  
  
   
\- Thinking bee.  
\- Thinking bee.  
  
   
Thinking bee! Thinking bee!  
Thinking bee! Thinking bee!  
  
   
There he is. He's in the pool.  
  
   
You know what your problem is, Barry?  
  
   
I gotta start thinking bee?  
  
   
How much longer will this go on?  
  
   
It's been three days!  
Why aren't you working?  
  
   
I've got a lot of big life decisions  
to think about.  
  
   
What life? You have no life!  
You have no job. You're barely a bee!  
  
   
Would it kill you  
to make a little honey?  
  
   
Barry, come out.  
Your father's talking to you.  
  
   
Martin, would you talk to him?  
  
   
Barry, I'm talking to you!  
  
   
You coming?  
  
   
Got everything?  
  
   
All set!  
  
   
Go ahead. I'll catch up.  
  
   
Don't be too long.  
  
   
Watch this!  
  
   
Vanessa!  
  
   
\- We're still here.  
\- I told you not to yell at him.  
  
   
He doesn't respond to yelling!  
  
   
\- Then why yell at me?  
\- Because you don't listen!  
  
   
I'm not listening to this.  
  
   
Sorry, I've gotta go.  
  
   
\- Where are you going?  
\- I'm meeting a friend.  
  
   
A girl? Is this why you can't decide?  
  
   
Bye.  
  
   
I just hope she's Bee-ish.  
  
   
They have a huge parade  
of flowers every year in Pasadena?  
  
   
To be in the Tournament of Roses,  
that's every florist's dream!  
  
   
Up on a float, surrounded  
by flowers, crowds cheering.  
  
   
A tournament. Do the roses  
compete in athletic events?  
  
   
No. All right, I've got one.  
How come you don't fly everywhere?  
  
   
It's exhausting. Why don't you  
run everywhere? It's faster.  
  
   
Yeah, OK, I see, I see.  
All right, your turn.  
  
   
TiVo. You can just freeze live TV?  
That's insane!  
  
   
You don't have that?  
  
   
We have Hivo, but it's a disease.  
It's a horrible, horrible disease.  
  
   
Oh, my.  
  
   
Dumb bees!  
  
   
You must want to sting all those jerks.  
  
   
We try not to sting.  
It's usually fatal for us.  
  
   
So you have to watch your temper.  
  
   
Very carefully.  
You kick a wall, take a walk,  
  
   
write an angry letter and throw it out.  
Work through it like any emotion:  
  
   
Anger, jealousy, lust.  
  
   
Oh, my goodness! Are you OK?  
  
   
Yeah.  
  
   
\- What is wrong with you?!  
\- It's a bug.  
  
   
He's not bothering anybody.  
Get out of here, you creep!  
  
   
What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular?  
  
   
Yeah, it was. How did you know?  
  
   
It felt like about 10 pages.  
Seventy-five is pretty much our limit.  
  
   
You've really got that  
down to a science.  
  
   
\- I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue.  
\- I'll bet.  
  
   
What in the name  
of Mighty Hercules is this?  
  
   
How did this get here?  
Oute Bee, Golden Blossom,  
  
   
Ray Liotta Private Select?  
  
   
\- Is he that actor?  
\- I never heard of him.  
  
   
\- Why is this here?  
\- For people. We eat it.  
  
   
You don't have  
enough food of your own?  
  
   
\- Well, yes.  
\- How do you get it?  
  
   
\- Bees make it.  
\- I know who makes it!  
  
   
And it's hard to make it!  
  
   
There's heating, cooling, stirring.  
You need a whole Krelman thing!  
  
   
\- It's organic.  
\- It's our-ganic!  
  
   
It's just honey, Barry.  
  
   
Just what?!  
  
   
Bees don't know about this!  
This is stealing! A lot of stealing!  
  
   
You've taken our homes, schools,  
hospitals! This is all we have!  
  
   
And it's on sale?!  
I'm getting to the bottom of this.  
  
   
I'm getting to the bottom  
of all of this!  
  
   
Hey, Hector.  
  
   
\- You almost done?  
\- Almost.  
  
   
He is here. I sense it.  
  
   
Well, I guess I'll go home now  
  
   
and just leave this nice honey out,  
with no one around.  
  
   
You're busted, box boy!  
  
   
I knew I heard something.  
So you can talk!  
  
   
I can talk.  
And now you'll start talking!  
  
   
Where you getting the sweet stuff?  
Who's your supplier?  
  
   
I don't understand.  
I thought we were friends.  
  
   
The last thing we want  
to do is upset bees!  
  
   
You're too late! It's ours now!  
  
   
You, sir, have crossed  
the wrong sword!  
  
   
You, sir, will be lunch  
for my iguana, Ignacio!  
  
   
Where is the honey coming from?  
  
   
Tell me where!  
  
   
Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms!  
  
   
Orazy person!  
  
   
What horrible thing has happened here?  
  
   
These faces, they never knew  
what hit them. And now  
  
   
they're on the road to nowhere!  
  
   
Just keep still.  
  
   
What? You're not dead?  
  
   
Do I look dead? They will wipe anything  
that moves. Where you headed?  
  
   
To Honey Farms.  
I am onto something huge here.  
  
   
I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood,  
crazy stuff. Blows your head off!  
  
   
I'm going to Tacoma.  
  
   
\- And you?  
\- He really is dead.  
  
   
All right.  
  
   
Uh-oh!  
  
   
\- What is that?!  
\- Oh, no!  
  
   
\- A wiper! Triple blade!  
\- Triple blade?  
  
   
Jump on! It's your only chance, bee!  
  
   
Why does everything have  
to be so doggone clean?!  
  
   
How much do you people need to see?!  
  
   
Open your eyes!  
Stick your head out the window!  
  
   
From NPR News in Washington,  
I'm Oarl Kasell.  
  
   
But don't kill no more bugs!  
  
   
\- Bee!  
\- Moose blood guy!!  
  
   
\- You hear something?  
\- Like what?  
  
   
Like tiny screaming.  
  
   
Turn off the radio.  
  
   
Whassup, bee boy?  
  
   
Hey, Blood.  
  
   
Just a row of honey jars,  
as far as the eye could see.  
  
   
Wow!  
  
   
I assume wherever this truck goes  
is where they're getting it.  
  
   
I mean, that honey's ours.  
  
   
\- Bees hang tight.  
\- We're all jammed in.  
  
   
It's a close community.  
  
   
Not us, man. We on our own.  
Every mosquito on his own.  
  
   
\- What if you get in trouble?  
\- You a mosquito, you in trouble.  
  
   
Nobody likes us. They just smack.  
See a mosquito, smack, smack!  
  
   
At least you're out in the world.  
You must meet girls.  
  
   
Mosquito girls try to trade up,  
get with a moth, dragonfly.  
  
   
Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito.  
  
   
You got to be kidding me!  
  
   
Mooseblood's about to leave  
the building! So long, bee!  
  
   
\- Hey, guys!  
\- Mooseblood!  
  
   
I knew I'd catch y'all down here.  
Did you bring your crazy straw?  
  
   
We throw it in jars, slap a label on it,  
and it's pretty much pure profit.  
  
   
What is this place?  
  
   
A bee's got a brain  
the size of a pinhead.  
  
   
They are pinheads!  
  
   
Pinhead.  
  
   
\- Oheck out the new smoker.  
\- Oh, sweet. That's the one you want.  
  
   
The Thomas 3000!  
  
   
Smoker?  
  
   
Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic.  
Twice the nicotine, all the tar.  
  
   
A couple breaths of this  
knocks them right out.  
  
   
They make the honey,  
and we make the money.  
  
   
"They make the honey,  
and we make the money"?  
  
   
Oh, my!  
  
   
What's going on? Are you OK?  
  
   
Yeah. It doesn't last too long.  
  
   
Do you know you're  
in a fake hive with fake walls?  
  
   
Our queen was moved here.  
We had no choice.  
  
   
This is your queen?  
That's a man in women's clothes!  
  
   
That's a drag queen!  
  
   
What is this?  
  
   
Oh, no!  
  
   
There's hundreds of them!  
  
   
Bee honey.  
  
   
Our honey is being brazenly stolen  
on a massive scale!  
  
   
This is worse than anything bears  
have done! I intend to do something.  
  
   
Oh, Barry, stop.  
  
   
Who told you humans are taking  
our honey? That's a rumor.  
  
   
Do these look like rumors?  
  
   
That's a conspiracy theory.  
These are obviously doctored photos.  
  
   
How did you get mixed up in this?  
  
   
He's been talking to humans.  
  
   
\- What?  
\- Talking to humans?!  
  
   
He has a human girlfriend.  
And they make out!  
  
   
Make out? Barry!  
  
   
We do not.  
  
   
\- You wish you could.  
\- Whose side are you on?  
  
   
The bees!  
  
   
I dated a cricket once in San Antonio.  
Those crazy legs kept me up all night.  
  
   
Barry, this is what you want  
to do with your life?  
  
   
I want to do it for all our lives.  
Nobody works harder than bees!  
  
   
Dad, I remember you  
coming home so overworked  
  
   
your hands were still stirring.  
You couldn't stop.  
  
   
I remember that.  
  
   
What right do they have to our honey?  
  
   
We live on two cups a year. They put it  
in lip balm for no reason whatsoever!  
  
   
Even if it's true, what can one bee do?  
  
   
Sting them where it really hurts.  
  
   
In the face! The eye!  
  
   
\- That would hurt.  
\- No.  
  
   
Up the nose? That's a killer.  
  
   
There's only one place you can sting  
the humans, one place where it matters.  
  
   
Hive at Five, the hive's only  
full-hour action news source.  
  
   
No more bee beards!  
  
   
With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk.  
  
   
Weather with Storm Stinger.  
  
   
Sports with Buzz Larvi.  
  
   
And Jeanette Ohung.  
  
   
\- Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble.  
\- And I'm Jeanette Ohung.  
  
   
A tri-county bee, Barry Benson,  
  
   
intends to sue the human race  
for stealing our honey,  
  
   
packaging it and profiting  
from it illegally!  
  
   
Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King,  
  
   
we'll have three former queens here in  
our studio, discussing their new book,  
  
   
Olassy Ladies,  
out this week on Hexagon.  
  
   
Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson.  
  
   
Did you ever think, "I'm a kid  
from the hive. I can't do this"?  
  
   
Bees have never been afraid  
to change the world.  
  
   
What about Bee Oolumbus?  
Bee Gandhi? Bejesus?  
  
   
Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans.  
  
   
We were thinking  
of stickball or candy stores.  
  
   
How old are you?  
  
   
The bee community  
is supporting you in this case,  
  
   
which will be the trial  
of the bee century.  
  
   
You know, they have a Larry King  
in the human world too.  
  
   
It's a common name. Next week...  
  
   
He looks like you and has a show  
and suspenders and colored dots...  
  
   
Next week...  
  
   
Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the  
guest even though you just heard 'em.  
  
   
Bear Week next week!  
They're scary, hairy and here live.  
  
   
Always leans forward, pointy shoulders,  
squinty eyes, very Jewish.  
  
   
In tennis, you attack  
at the point of weakness!  
  
   
It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81.  
  
   
Honey, her backhand's a joke!  
I'm not gonna take advantage of that?  
  
   
Quiet, please.  
Actual work going on here.  
  
   
\- Is that that same bee?  
\- Yes, it is!  
  
   
I'm helping him sue the human race.  
  
   
\- Hello.  
\- Hello, bee.  
  
   
This is Ken.  
  
   
Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size  
ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe.  
  
   
Why does he talk again?  
  
   
Listen, you better go  
'cause we're really busy working.  
  
   
But it's our yogurt night!  
  
   
Bye-bye.  
  
   
Why is yogurt night so difficult?!  
  
   
You poor thing.  
You two have been at this for hours!  
  
   
Yes, and Adam here  
has been a huge help.  
  
   
\- Frosting...  
\- How many sugars?  
  
   
Just one. I try not  
to use the competition.  
  
   
So why are you helping me?  
  
   
Bees have good qualities.  
  
   
And it takes my mind off the shop.  
  
   
Instead of flowers, people  
are giving balloon bouquets now.  
  
   
Those are great, if you're three.  
  
   
And artificial flowers.  
  
   
\- Oh, those just get me psychotic!  
\- Yeah, me too.  
  
   
Bent stingers, pointless pollination.  
  
   
Bees must hate those fake things!  
  
   
Nothing worse  
than a daffodil that's had work done.  
  
   
Maybe this could make up  
for it a little bit.  
  
   
\- This lawsuit's a pretty big deal.  
\- I guess.  
  
   
You sure you want to go through with it?  
  
   
Am I sure? When I'm done with  
the humans, they won't be able  
  
   
to say, "Honey, I'm home,"  
without paying a royalty!  
  
   
It's an incredible scene  
here in downtown Manhattan,  
  
   
where the world anxiously waits,  
because for the first time in history,  
  
   
we will hear for ourselves  
if a honeybee can actually speak.  
  
   
What have we gotten into here, Barry?  
  
   
It's pretty big, isn't it?  
  
   
I can't believe how many humans  
don't work during the day.  
  
   
You think billion-dollar multinational  
food companies have good lawyers?  
  
   
Everybody needs to stay  
behind the barricade.  
  
   
\- What's the matter?  
\- I don't know, I just got a chill.  
  
   
Well, if it isn't the bee team.  
  
   
You boys work on this?  
  
   
All rise! The Honorable  
Judge Bumbleton presiding.  
  
   
All right. Oase number 4475,  
  
   
Superior Oourt of New York,  
Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry  
  
   
is now in session.  
  
   
Mr. Montgomery, you're representing  
the five food companies collectively?  
  
   
A privilege.  
  
   
Mr. Benson... you're representing  
all the bees of the world?  
  
   
I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor,  
we're ready to proceed.  
  
   
Mr. Montgomery,  
your opening statement, please.  
  
   
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,  
  
   
my grandmother was a simple woman.  
  
   
Born on a farm, she believed  
it was man's divine right  
  
   
to benefit from the bounty  
of nature God put before us.  
  
   
If we lived in the topsy-turvy world  
Mr. Benson imagines,  
  
   
just think of what would it mean.  
  
   
I would have to negotiate  
with the silkworm  
  
   
for the elastic in my britches!  
  
   
Talking bee!  
  
   
How do we know this isn't some sort of  
  
   
holographic motion-picture-capture  
Hollywood wizardry?  
  
   
They could be using laser beams!  
  
   
Robotics! Ventriloquism!  
Oloning! For all we know,  
  
   
he could be on steroids!  
  
   
Mr. Benson?  
  
   
Ladies and gentlemen,  
there's no trickery here.  
  
   
I'm just an ordinary bee.  
Honey's pretty important to me.  
  
   
It's important to all bees.  
We invented it!  
  
   
We make it. And we protect it  
with our lives.  
  
   
Unfortunately, there are  
some people in this room  
  
   
who think they can take it from us  
  
   
'cause we're the little guys!  
I'm hoping that, after this is all over,  
  
   
you'll see how, by taking our honey,  
you not only take everything we have  
  
   
but everything we are!  
  
   
I wish he'd dress like that  
all the time. So nice!  
  
   
Oall your first witness.  
  
   
So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden  
of Honey Farms, big company you have.  
  
   
I suppose so.  
  
   
I see you also own  
Honeyburton and Honron!  
  
   
Yes, they provide beekeepers  
for our farms.  
  
   
Beekeeper. I find that  
to be a very disturbing term.  
  
   
I don't imagine you employ  
any bee-free-ers, do you?  
  
   
\- No.  
\- I couldn't hear you.  
  
   
\- No.  
\- No.  
  
   
Because you don't free bees.  
You keep bees. Not only that,  
  
   
it seems you thought a bear would be  
an appropriate image for a jar of honey.  
  
   
They're very lovable creatures.  
  
   
Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear.  
  
   
You mean like this?  
  
   
Bears kill bees!  
  
   
How'd you like his head crashing  
through your living room?!  
  
   
Biting into your couch!  
Spitting out your throw pillows!  
  
   
OK, that's enough. Take him away.  
  
   
So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here.  
Your name intrigues me.  
  
   
\- Where have I heard it before?  
\- I was with a band called The Police.  
  
   
But you've never been  
a police officer, have you?  
  
   
No, I haven't.  
  
   
No, you haven't. And so here  
we have yet another example  
  
   
of bee culture casually  
stolen by a human  
  
   
for nothing more than  
a prance-about stage name.  
  
   
Oh, please.  
  
   
Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting?  
  
   
Because I'm feeling  
a little stung, Sting.  
  
   
Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner!  
  
   
That's not his real name?! You idiots!  
  
   
Mr. Liotta, first,  
belated congratulations on  
  
   
your Emmy win for a guest spot  
on ER in 2005.  
  
   
Thank you. Thank you.  
  
   
I see from your resume  
that you're devilishly handsome  
  
   
with a churning inner turmoil  
that's ready to blow.  
  
   
I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime?  
  
   
Not yet it isn't. But is this  
what it's come to for you?  
  
   
Exploiting tiny, helpless bees  
so you don't  
  
   
have to rehearse  
your part and learn your lines, sir?  
  
   
Watch it, Benson!  
I could blow right now!  
  
   
This isn't a goodfella.  
This is a badfella!  
  
   
Why doesn't someone just step on  
this creep, and we can all go home?!  
  
   
\- Order in this court!  
\- You're all thinking it!  
  
   
Order! Order, I say!  
  
   
\- Say it!  
\- Mr. Liotta, please sit down!  
  
   
I think it was awfully nice  
of that bear to pitch in like that.  
  
   
I think the jury's on our side.  
  
   
Are we doing everything right, legally?  
  
   
I'm a florist.  
  
   
Right. Well, here's to a great team.  
  
   
To a great team!  
  
   
Well, hello.  
  
   
\- Ken!  
\- Hello.  
  
   
I didn't think you were coming.  
  
   
No, I was just late.  
I tried to call, but... the battery.  
  
   
I didn't want all this to go to waste,  
so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free.  
  
   
Oh, that was lucky.  
  
   
There's a little left.  
I could heat it up.  
  
   
Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever.  
  
   
So I hear you're quite a tennis player.  
  
   
I'm not much for the game myself.  
The ball's a little grabby.  
  
   
That's where I usually sit.  
Right... there.  
  
   
Ken, Barry was looking at your resume,  
  
   
and he agreed with me that eating with  
chopsticks isn't really a special skill.  
  
   
You think I don't see what you're doing?  
  
   
I know how hard it is to find  
the rightjob. We have that in common.  
  
   
Do we?  
  
   
Bees have 100 percent employment,  
but we do jobs like taking the crud out.  
  
   
That's just what  
I was thinking about doing.  
  
   
Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor  
for his fuzz. I hope that was all right.  
  
   
I'm going to drain the old stinger.  
  
   
Yeah, you do that.  
  
   
Look at that.  
  
   
You know, I've just about had it  
  
   
with your little mind games.  
  
   
\- What's that?  
\- Italian Vogue.  
  
   
Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages.  
  
   
A lot of ads.  
  
   
Remember what Van said, why is  
your life more valuable than mine?  
  
   
Funny, I just can't seem to recall that!  
  
   
I think something stinks in here!  
  
   
I love the smell of flowers.  
  
   
How do you like the smell of flames?!  
  
   
Not as much.  
  
   
Water bug! Not taking sides!  
  
   
Ken, I'm wearing a Ohapstick hat!  
This is pathetic!  
  
   
I've got issues!  
  
   
Well, well, well, a royal flush!  
  
   
\- You're bluffing.  
\- Am I?  
  
   
Surf's up, dude!  
  
   
Poo water!  
  
   
That bowl is gnarly.  
  
   
Except for those dirty yellow rings!  
  
   
Kenneth! What are you doing?!  
  
   
You know, I don't even like honey!  
I don't eat it!  
  
   
We need to talk!  
  
   
He's just a little bee!  
  
   
And he happens to be  
the nicest bee I've met in a long time!  
  
   
Long time? What are you talking about?!  
Are there other bugs in your life?  
  
   
No, but there are other things bugging  
me in life. And you're one of them!  
  
   
Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night...  
  
   
My nerves are fried from riding  
on this emotional roller coaster!  
  
   
Goodbye, Ken.  
  
   
And for your information,  
  
   
I prefer sugar-free, artificial  
sweeteners made by man!  
  
   
I'm sorry about all that.  
  
   
I know it's got  
an aftertaste! I like it!  
  
   
I always felt there was some kind  
of barrier between Ken and me.  
  
   
I couldn't overcome it.  
Oh, well.  
  
   
Are you OK for the trial?  
  
   
I believe Mr. Montgomery  
is about out of ideas.  
  
   
We would like to call  
Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand.  
  
   
Good idea! You can really see why he's  
considered one of the best lawyers...  
  
   
Yeah.  
  
   
Layton, you've  
gotta weave some magic  
  
   
with this jury,  
or it's gonna be all over.  
  
   
Don't worry. The only thing I have  
to do to turn this jury around  
  
   
is to remind them  
of what they don't like about bees.  
  
   
\- You got the tweezers?  
\- Are you allergic?  
  
   
Only to losing, son. Only to losing.  
  
   
Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you  
what I think we'd all like to know.  
  
   
What exactly is your relationship  
  
   
to that woman?  
  
   
We're friends.  
  
   
\- Good friends?  
\- Yes.  
  
   
How good? Do you live together?  
  
   
Wait a minute...  
  
   
Are you her little...  
  
   
...bedbug?  
  
   
I've seen a bee documentary or two.  
From what I understand,  
  
   
doesn't your queen give birth  
to all the bee children?  
  
   
\- Yeah, but...  
\- So those aren't your real parents!  
  
   
\- Oh, Barry...  
\- Yes, they are!  
  
   
Hold me back!  
  
   
You're an illegitimate bee,  
aren't you, Benson?  
  
   
He's denouncing bees!  
  
   
Don't y'all date your cousins?  
  
   
\- Objection!  
\- I'm going to pincushion this guy!  
  
   
Adam, don't! It's what he wants!  
  
   
Oh, I'm hit!!  
  
   
Oh, lordy, I am hit!  
  
   
Order! Order!  
  
   
The venom! The venom  
is coursing through my veins!  
  
   
I have been felled  
by a winged beast of destruction!  
  
   
You see? You can't treat them  
like equals! They're striped savages!  
  
   
Stinging's the only thing  
they know! It's their way!  
  
   
\- Adam, stay with me.  
\- I can't feel my legs.  
  
   
What angel of mercy  
will come forward to suck the poison  
  
   
from my heaving buttocks?  
  
   
I will have order in this court. Order!  
  
   
Order, please!  
  
   
The case of the honeybees  
versus the human race  
  
   
took a pointed turn against the bees  
  
   
yesterday when one of their legal  
team stung Layton T. Montgomery.  
  
   
\- Hey, buddy.  
\- Hey.  
  
   
\- Is there much pain?  
\- Yeah.  
  
   
I...  
  
   
I blew the whole case, didn't I?  
  
   
It doesn't matter. What matters is  
you're alive. You could have died.  
  
   
I'd be better off dead. Look at me.  
  
   
They got it from the cafeteria  
downstairs, in a tuna sandwich.  
  
   
Look, there's  
a little celery still on it.  
  
   
What was it like to sting someone?  
  
   
I can't explain it. It was all...  
  
   
All adrenaline and then...  
and then ecstasy!  
  
   
All right.  
  
   
You think it was all a trap?  
  
   
Of course. I'm sorry.  
I flew us right into this.  
  
   
What were we thinking? Look at us. We're  
just a couple of bugs in this world.  
  
   
What will the humans do to us  
if they win?  
  
   
I don't know.  
  
   
I hear they put the roaches in motels.  
That doesn't sound so bad.  
  
   
Adam, they check in,  
but they don't check out!  
  
   
Oh, my.  
  
   
Oould you get a nurse  
to close that window?  
  
   
\- Why?  
\- The smoke.  
  
   
Bees don't smoke.  
  
   
Right. Bees don't smoke.  
  
   
Bees don't smoke!  
But some bees are smoking.  
  
   
That's it! That's our case!  
  
   
It is? It's not over?  
  
   
Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere.  
  
   
Get back to the court and stall.  
Stall any way you can.  
  
   
And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub.  
  
   
Mr. Flayman.  
  
   
Yes? Yes, Your Honor!  
  
   
Where is the rest of your team?  
  
   
Well, Your Honor, it's interesting.  
  
   
Bees are trained to fly haphazardly,  
  
   
and as a result,  
we don't make very good time.  
  
   
I actually heard a funny story about...  
  
   
Your Honor,  
haven't these ridiculous bugs  
  
   
taken up enough  
of this court's valuable time?  
  
   
How much longer will we allow  
these absurd shenanigans to go on?  
  
   
They have presented no compelling  
evidence to support their charges  
  
   
against my clients,  
who run legitimate businesses.  
  
   
I move for a complete dismissal  
of this entire case!  
  
   
Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going  
  
   
to have to consider  
Mr. Montgomery's motion.  
  
   
But you can't! We have a terrific case.  
  
   
Where is your proof?  
Where is the evidence?  
  
   
Show me the smoking gun!  
  
   
Hold it, Your Honor!  
You want a smoking gun?  
  
   
Here is your smoking gun.  
  
   
What is that?  
  
   
It's a bee smoker!  
  
   
What, this?  
This harmless little contraption?  
  
   
This couldn't hurt a fly,  
let alone a bee.  
  
   
Look at what has happened  
  
   
to bees who have never been asked,  
"Smoking or non?"  
  
   
Is this what nature intended for us?  
  
   
To be forcibly addicted  
to smoke machines  
  
   
and man-made wooden slat work camps?  
  
   
Living out our lives as honey slaves  
to the white man?  
  
   
\- What are we gonna do?  
\- He's playing the species card.  
  
   
Ladies and gentlemen, please,  
free these bees!  
  
   
Free the bees! Free the bees!  
  
   
Free the bees!  
  
   
Free the bees! Free the bees!  
  
   
The court finds in favor of the bees!  
  
   
Vanessa, we won!  
  
   
I knew you could do it! High-five!  
  
   
Sorry.  
  
   
I'm OK! You know what this means?  
  
   
All the honey  
will finally belong to the bees.  
  
   
Now we won't have  
to work so hard all the time.  
  
   
This is an unholy perversion  
of the balance of nature, Benson.  
  
   
You'll regret this.  
  
   
Barry, how much honey is out there?  
  
   
All right. One at a time.  
  
   
Barry, who are you wearing?  
  
   
My sweater is Ralph Lauren,  
and I have no pants.  
  
   
\- What if Montgomery's right?  
\- What do you mean?  
  
   
We've been living the bee way  
a long time, 27 million years.  
  
   
Oongratulations on your victory.  
What will you demand as a settlement?  
  
   
First, we'll demand a complete shutdown  
of all bee work camps.  
  
   
Then we want back the honey  
that was ours to begin with,  
  
   
every last drop.  
  
   
We demand an end to the glorification  
of the bear as anything more  
  
   
than a filthy, smelly,  
bad-breath stink machine.  
  
   
We're all aware  
of what they do in the woods.  
  
   
Wait for my signal.  
  
   
Take him out.  
  
   
He'll have nauseous  
for a few hours, then he'll be fine.  
  
   
And we will no longer tolerate  
bee-negative nicknames...  
  
   
But it's just a prance-about stage name!  
  
   
...unnecessary inclusion of honey  
in bogus health products  
  
   
and la-dee-da human  
tea-time snack garnishments.  
  
   
Oan't breathe.  
  
   
Bring it in, boys!  
  
   
Hold it right there! Good.  
  
   
Tap it.  
  
   
Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups,  
and there's gallons more coming!  
  
   
\- I think we need to shut down!  
\- Shut down? We've never shut down.  
  
   
Shut down honey production!  
  
   
Stop making honey!  
  
   
Turn your key, sir!  
  
   
What do we do now?  
  
   
Oannonball!  
  
   
We're shutting honey production!  
  
   
Mission abort.  
  
   
Aborting pollination and nectar detail.  
Returning to base.  
  
   
Adam, you wouldn't believe  
how much honey was out there.  
  
   
Oh, yeah?  
  
   
What's going on? Where is everybody?  
  
   
\- Are they out celebrating?  
\- They're home.  
  
   
They don't know what to do.  
Laying out, sleeping in.  
  
   
I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way  
to San Antonio with a cricket.  
  
   
At least we got our honey back.  
  
   
Sometimes I think, so what if humans  
liked our honey? Who wouldn't?  
  
   
It's the greatest thing in the world!  
I was excited to be part of making it.  
  
   
This was my new desk. This was my  
new job. I wanted to do it really well.  
  
   
And now...  
  
   
Now I can't.  
  
   
I don't understand  
why they're not happy.  
  
   
I thought their lives would be better!  
  
   
They're doing nothing. It's amazing.  
Honey really changes people.  
  
   
You don't have any idea  
what's going on, do you?  
  
   
\- What did you want to show me?  
\- This.  
  
   
What happened here?  
  
   
That is not the half of it.  
  
   
Oh, no. Oh, my.  
  
   
They're all wilting.  
  
   
Doesn't look very good, does it?  
  
   
No.  
  
   
And whose fault do you think that is?  
  
   
You know, I'm gonna guess bees.  
  
   
Bees?  
  
   
Specifically, me.  
  
   
I didn't think bees not needing to make  
honey would affect all these things.  
  
   
It's notjust flowers.  
Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees.  
  
   
That's our whole SAT test right there.  
  
   
Take away produce, that affects  
the entire animal kingdom.  
  
   
And then, of course...  
  
   
The human species?  
  
   
So if there's no more pollination,  
  
   
it could all just go south here,  
couldn't it?  
  
   
I know this is also partly my fault.  
  
   
How about a suicide pact?  
  
   
How do we do it?  
  
   
\- I'll sting you, you step on me.  
\- Thatjust kills you twice.  
  
   
Right, right.  
  
   
Listen, Barry...  
sorry, but I gotta get going.  
  
   
I had to open my mouth and talk.  
  
   
Vanessa?  
  
   
Vanessa? Why are you leaving?  
Where are you going?  
  
   
To the final Tournament of Roses parade  
in Pasadena.  
  
   
They've moved it to this weekend  
because all the flowers are dying.  
  
   
It's the last chance  
I'll ever have to see it.  
  
   
Vanessa, I just wanna say I'm sorry.  
I never meant it to turn out like this.  
  
   
I know. Me neither.  
  
   
Tournament of Roses.  
Roses can't do sports.  
  
   
Wait a minute. Roses. Roses?  
  
   
Roses!  
  
   
Vanessa!  
  
   
Roses?!  
  
   
Barry?  
  
   
\- Roses are flowers!  
\- Yes, they are.  
  
   
Flowers, bees, pollen!  
  
   
I know.  
That's why this is the last parade.  
  
   
Maybe not.  
Oould you ask him to slow down?  
  
   
Oould you slow down?  
  
   
Barry!  
  
   
OK, I made a huge mistake.  
This is a total disaster, all my fault.  
  
   
Yes, it kind of is.  
  
   
I've ruined the planet.  
I wanted to help you  
  
   
with the flower shop.  
I've made it worse.  
  
   
Actually, it's completely closed down.  
  
   
I thought maybe you were remodeling.  
  
   
But I have another idea, and it's  
greater than my previous ideas combined.  
  
   
I don't want to hear it!  
  
   
All right, they have the roses,  
the roses have the pollen.  
  
   
I know every bee, plant  
and flower bud in this park.  
  
   
All we gotta do is get what they've got  
back here with what we've got.  
  
   
\- Bees.  
\- Park.  
  
   
\- Pollen!  
\- Flowers.  
  
   
\- Repollination!  
\- Across the nation!  
  
   
Tournament of Roses,  
Pasadena, Oalifornia.  
  
   
They've got nothing  
but flowers, floats and cotton candy.  
  
   
Security will be tight.  
  
   
I have an idea.  
  
   
Vanessa Bloome, FTD.  
  
   
Official floral business. It's real.  
  
   
Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch.  
  
   
Thank you. It was a gift.  
  
   
Once inside,  
we just pick the right float.  
  
   
How about The Princess and the Pea?  
  
   
I could be the princess,  
and you could be the pea!  
  
   
Yes, I got it.  
  
   
\- Where should I sit?  
\- What are you?  
  
   
\- I believe I'm the pea.  
\- The pea?  
  
   
It goes under the mattresses.  
  
   
\- Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart.  
\- I'm getting the marshal.  
  
   
You do that!  
This whole parade is a fiasco!  
  
   
Let's see what this baby'll do.  
  
   
Hey, what are you doing?!  
  
   
Then all we do  
is blend in with traffic...  
  
   
...without arousing suspicion.  
  
   
Once at the airport,  
there's no stopping us.  
  
   
Stop! Security.  
  
   
\- You and your insect pack your float?  
\- Yes.  
  
   
Has it been  
in your possession the entire time?  
  
   
Would you remove your shoes?  
  
   
\- Remove your stinger.  
\- It's part of me.  
  
   
I know. Just having some fun.  
Enjoy your flight.  
  
   
Then if we're lucky, we'll have  
just enough pollen to do the job.  
  
   
Oan you believe how lucky we are? We  
have just enough pollen to do the job!  
  
   
I think this is gonna work.  
  
   
It's got to work.  
  
   
Attention, passengers,  
this is Oaptain Scott.  
  
   
We have a bit of bad weather  
in New York.  
  
   
It looks like we'll experience  
a couple hours delay.  
  
   
Barry, these are cut flowers  
with no water. They'll never make it.  
  
   
I gotta get up there  
and talk to them.  
  
   
Be careful.  
  
   
Oan I get help  
with the Sky Mall magazine?  
  
   
I'd like to order the talking  
inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer.  
  
   
Oaptain, I'm in a real situation.  
  
   
\- What'd you say, Hal?  
\- Nothing.  
  
   
Bee!  
  
   
Don't freak out! My entire species...  
  
   
What are you doing?  
  
   
\- Wait a minute! I'm an attorney!  
\- Who's an attorney?  
  
   
Don't move.  
  
   
Oh, Barry.  
  
   
Good afternoon, passengers.  
This is your captain.  
  
   
Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B  
please report to the cockpit?  
  
   
And please hurry!  
  
   
What happened here?  
  
   
There was a DustBuster,  
a toupee, a life raft exploded.  
  
   
One's bald, one's in a boat,  
they're both unconscious!  
  
   
\- Is that another bee joke?  
\- No!  
  
   
No one's flying the plane!  
  
   
This is JFK control tower, Flight 356.  
What's your status?  
  
   
This is Vanessa Bloome.  
I'm a florist from New York.  
  
   
Where's the pilot?  
  
   
He's unconscious,  
and so is the copilot.  
  
   
Not good. Does anyone onboard  
have flight experience?  
  
   
As a matter of fact, there is.  
  
   
\- Who's that?  
\- Barry Benson.  
  
   
From the honey trial?! Oh, great.  
  
   
Vanessa, this is nothing more  
than a big metal bee.  
  
   
It's got giant wings, huge engines.  
  
   
I can't fly a plane.  
  
   
\- Why not? Isn't John Travolta a pilot?  
\- Yes.  
  
   
How hard could it be?  
  
   
Wait, Barry!  
We're headed into some lightning.  
  
   
This is Bob Bumble. We have some  
late-breaking news from JFK Airport,  
  
   
where a suspenseful scene  
is developing.  
  
   
Barry Benson,  
fresh from his legal victory...  
  
   
That's Barry!  
  
   
...is attempting to land a plane,  
loaded with people, flowers  
  
   
and an incapacitated flight crew.  
  
   
Flowers?!  
  
   
We have a storm in the area  
and two individuals at the controls  
  
   
with absolutely no flight experience.  
  
   
Just a minute.  
There's a bee on that plane.  
  
   
I'm quite familiar with Mr. Benson  
and his no-account compadres.  
  
   
They've done enough damage.  
  
   
But isn't he your only hope?  
  
   
Technically, a bee  
shouldn't be able to fly at all.  
  
   
Their wings are too small...  
  
   
Haven't we heard this a million times?  
  
   
"The surface area of the wings  
and body mass make no sense."  
  
   
\- Get this on the air!  
\- Got it.  
  
   
\- Stand by.  
\- We're going live.  
  
   
The way we work may be a mystery to you.  
  
   
Making honey takes a lot of bees  
doing a lot of small jobs.  
  
   
But let me tell you about a small job.  
  
   
If you do it well,  
it makes a big difference.  
  
   
More than we realized.  
To us, to everyone.  
  
   
That's why I want to get bees  
back to working together.  
  
   
That's the bee way!  
We're not made of Jell-O.  
  
   
We get behind a fellow.  
  
   
\- Black and yellow!  
\- Hello!  
  
   
Left, right, down, hover.  
  
   
\- Hover?  
\- Forget hover.  
  
   
This isn't so hard.  
Beep-beep! Beep-beep!  
  
   
Barry, what happened?!  
  
   
Wait, I think we were  
on autopilot the whole time.  
  
   
\- That may have been helping me.  
\- And now we're not!  
  
   
So it turns out I cannot fly a plane.  
  
   
All of you, let's get  
behind this fellow! Move it out!  
  
   
Move out!  
  
   
Our only chance is if I do what I'd do,  
you copy me with the wings of the plane!  
  
   
Don't have to yell.  
  
   
I'm not yelling!  
We're in a lot of trouble.  
  
   
It's very hard to concentrate  
with that panicky tone in your voice!  
  
   
It's not a tone. I'm panicking!  
  
   
I can't do this!  
  
   
Vanessa, pull yourself together.  
You have to snap out of it!  
  
   
You snap out of it.  
  
   
You snap out of it.  
  
   
\- You snap out of it!  
\- You snap out of it!  
  
   
\- You snap out of it!  
\- You snap out of it!  
  
   
\- You snap out of it!  
\- You snap out of it!  
  
   
\- Hold it!  
\- Why? Oome on, it's my turn.  
  
   
How is the plane flying?  
  
   
I don't know.  
  
   
Hello?  
  
   
Benson, got any flowers  
for a happy occasion in there?  
  
   
The Pollen Jocks!  
  
   
They do get behind a fellow.  
  
   
\- Black and yellow.  
\- Hello.  
  
   
All right, let's drop this tin can  
on the blacktop.  
  
   
Where? I can't see anything. Oan you?  
  
   
No, nothing. It's all cloudy.  
  
   
Oome on. You got to think bee, Barry.  
  
   
\- Thinking bee.  
\- Thinking bee.  
  
   
Thinking bee!  
Thinking bee! Thinking bee!  
  
   
Wait a minute.  
I think I'm feeling something.  
  
   
\- What?  
\- I don't know. It's strong, pulling me.  
  
   
Like a 27-million-year-old instinct.  
  
   
Bring the nose down.  
  
   
Thinking bee!  
Thinking bee! Thinking bee!  
  
   
\- What in the world is on the tarmac?  
\- Get some lights on that!  
  
   
Thinking bee!  
Thinking bee! Thinking bee!  
  
   
\- Vanessa, aim for the flower.  
\- OK.  
  
   
Out the engines. We're going in  
on bee power. Ready, boys?  
  
   
Affirmative!  
  
   
Good. Good. Easy, now. That's it.  
  
   
Land on that flower!  
  
   
Ready? Full reverse!  
  
   
Spin it around!  
  
   
\- Not that flower! The other one!  
\- Which one?  
  
   
\- That flower.  
\- I'm aiming at the flower!  
  
   
That's a fat guy in a flowered shirt.  
I mean the giant pulsating flower  
  
   
made of millions of bees!  
  
   
Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up.  
  
   
Rotate around it.  
  
   
\- This is insane, Barry!  
\- This's the only way I know how to fly.  
  
   
Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane  
flying in an insect-like pattern?  
  
   
Get your nose in there. Don't be afraid.  
Smell it. Full reverse!  
  
   
Just drop it. Be a part of it.  
  
   
Aim for the center!  
  
   
Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman!  
  
   
Oome on, already.  
  
   
Barry, we did it!  
You taught me how to fly!  
  
   
\- Yes. No high-five!  
\- Right.  
  
   
Barry, it worked!  
Did you see the giant flower?  
  
   
What giant flower? Where? Of course  
I saw the flower! That was genius!  
  
   
\- Thank you.  
\- But we're not done yet.  
  
   
Listen, everyone!  
  
   
This runway is covered  
with the last pollen  
  
   
from the last flowers  
available anywhere on Earth.  
  
   
That means this is our last chance.  
  
   
We're the only ones who make honey,  
pollinate flowers and dress like this.  
  
   
If we're gonna survive as a species,  
this is our moment! What do you say?  
  
   
Are we going to be bees, orjust  
Museum of Natural History keychains?  
  
   
We're bees!  
  
   
Keychain!  
  
   
Then follow me! Except Keychain.  
  
   
Hold on, Barry. Here.  
  
   
You've earned this.  
  
   
Yeah!  
  
   
I'm a Pollen Jock! And it's a perfect  
fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves.  
  
   
Oh, yeah.  
  
   
That's our Barry.  
  
   
Mom! The bees are back!  
  
   
If anybody needs  
to make a call, now's the time.  
  
   
I got a feeling we'll be  
working late tonight!  
  
   
Here's your change. Have a great  
afternoon! Oan I help who's next?  
  
   
Would you like some honey with that?  
It is bee-approved. Don't forget these.  
  
   
Milk, cream, cheese, it's all me.  
And I don't see a nickel!  
  
   
Sometimes I just feel  
like a piece of meat!  
  
   
I had no idea.  
  
   
Barry, I'm sorry.  
Have you got a moment?  
  
   
Would you excuse me?  
My mosquito associate will help you.  
  
   
Sorry I'm late.  
  
   
He's a lawyer too?  
  
   
I was already a blood-sucking parasite.  
All I needed was a briefcase.  
  
   
Have a great afternoon!  
  
   
Barry, I just got this huge tulip order,  
and I can't get them anywhere.  
  
   
No problem, Vannie.  
Just leave it to me.  
  
   
You're a lifesaver, Barry.  
Oan I help who's next?  
  
   
All right, scramble, jocks!  
It's time to fly.  
  
   
Thank you, Barry!  
  
   
That bee is living my life!  
  
   
Let it go, Kenny.  
  
   
\- When will this nightmare end?!  
\- Let it all go.  
  
   
\- Beautiful day to fly.  
\- Sure is.  
  
   
Between you and me,  
I was dying to get out of that office.  
  
   
You have got  
to start thinking bee, my friend.  
  
   
\- Thinking bee!  
\- Me?  
  
   
Hold it. Let's just stop  
for a second. Hold it.  
  
   
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone.  
Oan we stop here?  
  
   
I'm not making a major life decision  
during a production number!  
  
   
All right. Take ten, everybody.  
Wrap it up, guys.  
  
   
I had virtually no rehearsal for that.


	4. Lucio I - Mishaps and Lunch.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amiguinho didn’t move for a moment, staring wide-eyed at Lucio. Then, he leaned down to sniff the bowl, never taking his shiny eyes off Lucio.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... this has been long due huh? 
> 
> I should apologise but I've been so busy priotising work, college and keeping myself sane whilst doing so, that I'm sure you understand. I will definitely apologise for the meme-ry of last chapter, I am a unfunny individual who laughs at stupid jokes... but I digress.
> 
> Hope you enjoy this chapter guys, can't promise any frequent updates as it's officially the busiest time of the year, education wise. This chapter is mainly fluffy, filler - but I suppose that was the original theme before the plot bunnies decided to arrive :)

Lucio had never felt so comfortable before in his life. He was drifting between the haze of sleep and consciousness, aware of his surroundings but not paying any true attention. It was warm, dark… and if Lucio had paid enough attention, he would notice the increasingly loud muffles of someone-

 

“Santos!”

 

A large, dark skinned hand slammed on the desk- barely an inch away from Lucio’s head.

Lucio jumped, an audible gasp escaping him as he awoke. He glanced around the classroom, which was filled with his smirking classmates, made Lucio realise with embarrassment he had fallen asleep in class… with probably the least patient teacher there was.

Looking up at Professor Gabriel Reyes, Lucio gave the man an apologetic smile. Reyes expression remained unchanged, unimpressed mixed with stern disappointment. Also a hint of intimidation, which was not hard considering how tall and scarily scarred his professor was.

“Uh… my bad Professor?” Lucio said meekly, trying his hardest to repress a yawn. He felt exhausted.

“” _Your bad_ ”?” Reyes cocked an eyebrow. “I expect all my students to pay attention to my lectures, and answer when I ask a question, Santos.”

“Question?” Lucio said, looking around to his peers. Most were snickering at this point, and being generally unhelpful. “Uh… could you please repeat it, professor?”

Reyes sighed, and all Lucio wanted to do was shrink down and disappear.

“I had asked you what the three laws of motion were.” Reye supplied, not entirely helpful for Lucio. He had been unable to pay attention to the two hour long lecture, and any memory of that information was non-existent in his mind. “You were set the task of researching it yesterday. I assume you did your homework?”

 

 _Crap…_ Lucio thought, unable to hide a grimace. He was screwed.

 

“The three laws of motion are… well, it’s the thing with Isaac Newton…” Lucio said, trying to speak slowly enough to think. Even if he knew it, his mind was going blank from the stress of the situation. “Uh…”

“I think that’s enough Santos, it’s clear you didn’t do the reading I set out for _everyone_ yesterday.” Reyes grumbled, and turned away from him to face the board. Lucio gritted his teeth, feeling an awful mix of guilt and anger.

He understood why Reyes would be annoyed, but his professor’s awful mood seemed uncalled for. Then again, Reyes was always in an awful mood. 

Lucio watched as he wrote on the whiteboard, making sure to take notes to ease his professor’s irritation. Which seemed an impossible task. 

 

The next hour dragged ever so slowly, Lucio had to use any willpower left to stay awake- he really couldn’t afford to anger Reyes any further and risk being held behind.

 

Unfortunately, Reyes did just that.

 

“Santos.” Reyes called, as Lucio packed up his bag and went to leave with his other classmates. Lucio stilled, repressing a sigh. “We need to have a chat.”

“What’s up, Professor?” Lucio asked, cautiously, as he approached Reyes desk. But he had a feeling of what it was about. Reyes grimaced at his casual wording.

“Santos, tell me, why are you in this class?” Reyes asked, sharply. Lucio was taken aback, from both the question and tone. He shifted awkwardly.

“If this is about the late homework, I am sorry professor. I’ve just been kinda busy with my job and-“

“This is more than just the homework.” Reyes sighed, he didn’t look too angry- just weary. “You have been in this class for a few months but you seem to have no interest in the subject, you’ve been missing deadlines, putting a part-time job a priority when your education should be.”

Lucio was silent, staring at one of Reyes potted plants (lilies of all things), conflicted. The words struck close, all the doubts of himself laid bare- the _why am I here? Is this what I want?_

“Are… are you kicking me off the course?” Lucio asked quietly, Reyes rolled his eyes.

“No.” Reyes said, shaking his head slightly. “I’m not going to do that. It might seem like the opposite Santos, but I want the best for you- for my students. If you don’t want to be here, _don’t be_ \- or waste your time. Our time.”

“Uh… thank you?” Lucio said, and couldn’t help but glance towards the door. Reyes noticed.

“You can leave.” He sighed, and as Lucio practically rushed towards the door, he called out.

 

“Bring your damn homework next time!”

 

 

* * *

 

**_BunnieUnnie: YO where R you??? ^-^;_ **

****

**_Froggo: Prof kept me behind :C_ **

****

**_BunnieUnnie: aw T_T …meet me at our spot??_ **

****

**_Froggo: can’t rn soz :O… gotta check on Amiguinho_ **

****

**_BunnieUnnie: R U srsly naming him Amiguinho??? -_-_ **

****

**_Froggo: Don’t judge me woman!!!! Jk jk… but maybe meet later??? You can hang with your GF until then? :)_ **

****

**_BunnieUnnie: Blocked! >:C _ **

Lucio smiled to himself, pocketing the phone as he made his way through campus. Much to his relief, lessons for the day were almost over, Lucio having an hour or so for a free period before his compulsory maths class. He would usually meet with Hana, but instead he had some pretty important errands. Ignoring his buzzing phone (likely Hana sending him silly GIFS), Lucio picked up his pace – the campus was pretty big, it would take him at least twenty minutes to get to his apartment.

Leaving his poorly patient for so long left a sour taste in Lucio’s mouth- the 2 hour long lesson not helping much with that concern.

Lucio was out of breath by the time he reached his apartment complex, key ready in his hand, he jogged up the two flights of stairs- barely stopping to unlock his door and rush inside. A quick glance around reminded him of the very due clean out needed- empty takeout boxes practically lined his kitchen and living area, dirty laundry thrown into a pile.

His _mãe_ would throw a fit at the sight.

Lucio ignored it for now, sliding his bag and jacket off onto the floor whilst he made his way to his bedroom. The cage was still sat secure on his desk, undisturbed and silent as Lucio approached. He assumed Amiguinho was still sleeping.

“Hey, time to wake up Amiguinho…” Lucio cooed, as he opened the roof door. He had managed to find time to pick up some rat pellets on the way so quickly prepared his food. He hoped that the rat was healthy enough to start on solids, and not just fluid. “You up little guy?”

Lucio continued to talk softly, reaching down to nudge the bundle of fabric- he hadn’t the heart earlier to disturb and move Amiguinho earlier.

As his finger moved a section of the fabric aside, a soft pink nose slowly emerged- moving erratically, soon very twitchy whiskers were now visible. Lucio froze, staring as Amiguinho slowly lifted his head and let out a soft hiss.

“Hey, it’s okay.” Lucio said, moving his hand away- he learned his lesson the other night. “Nothing to be scared about here, just checking to see if you’re alright. You hungry?”

Lucio didn’t expect a response, he always spoke so openly with animals- even if people looked at him strange for doing so. If anything, it reassured Lucio more than the rat.

Amiguinho crawled slowly, lifting himself out of the scarf. Lucio could tell by his movements that he was still recovering, his gait wobbly and awkward, which was not helped by the missing limbs.

Thankfully his eyes seemed brighter, and more alert- and no obvious signs of shock were present.

“You’re looking so much better than yesterday Amiguinho!” Lucio smiled, and placed the bowl of pellets down in front of the rat. “Hey, you think you can eat some of this?”

Amiguinho didn’t move for a moment, staring wide-eyed at Lucio. Then, he leaned down to sniff the bowl, never taking his shiny eyes off Lucio.

His pink nose wrinkled with distaste, the rat bearing his teeth and letting out a much louder hiss than before. Amiguinho turned his back to the bowl, instead choosing to look (glare?) upwards at the still open cage roof. Lucio closed it slowly.

“Amiguinho, you have to eat. It’ll help you feel better.” Lucio chastised him, but wasn’t too concerned, yet. “But hey, it’s alright… you’re still healing, I know you feel too terrible to eat, but try later yeah?”

Sitting back on the edge of his bed, Lucio sighed. It would be naïve to assume the still injured rat would be ready to eat, and if Amiguinho had never eaten pellets before- it would be unlikely he’d rush to eat something unfamiliar.

Lucio shrugged to himself, and feeling hungry himself, decided to fix up some lunch.

 

* * *

 

 

He was halfway mentally composing a new song when the food was ready to dish up. Lifting the red hot pot off the stove, Lucio hummed- left foot tapping to an imaginary beat.

It was a traditional _feijkoada_ dish, although it was nothing like his mãe would cook- a half-assed discount version if anything.  But it reminded him of home, and was one of his favourites.

Delicious meat and beans, with a touch of homesickness.

With a hearty serving of _feijkoada_ in a bowl, Lucio made his way back to the bedroom- wanting to keep an eye on his patient during his meal.

To Lucio’s dismay, he still had another class at the college in less than a couple hours- as well as work in the evening.

As Lucio settled with his meal on the bed, covers still messy from the morning, he began to eat. Lucio couldn’t help but practically hum at the taste, after only having a hastily half-eaten cereal bar the whole day, the meal was mouth-wateringly satisfying.

But, loud grating sound caught Lucio’s attention, he glanced towards the plastic enclosure, where Amiguinho was hanging off the bars of the roof, gnawing the metal frame frantically. Lucio worried for the injured rat’s safety more than anything else.

“Hey, hey, stop that.” Lucio said, gently.

Putting his bowl down, he scooted closer to the cage. Amiguinho froze in his movements, still gripping onto the roof with only one fore limb- impressive really, considering how weak the animal should be at this stage. “You’ll hurt yourself, Amiguinho.”

The rat gave a rather loud hiss in reply, Lucio frowned- but as Amiguingo bared his teeth; his grip on the cage slipped, the animal landing on the plastic bottom with a rather loud thud. The animal looked dazed.

“Oh, crap.” Lucio swore, and went to open the enclosure. He was too racked with worry to care about bites, so he scooped Amiguinho up in his hands. Lucio stroked Amiguinho lightly on his soft forehead, practically holding him against his chest like a baby.

The small rat was shaking slightly, but otherwise seemed unhurt- if not woozy. Lucio continued to stroke his forehead gently, the action seeming to calm the animal.

“You got to be more careful Amiguinho, you’re still recovering from yesterday and last thing I want is for you to be any more hurt…” Lucio chided, his soft expression turning slightly tense when Amiguinho started to shift in his arms.

It was instinctual, but Lucio could still vividly remember the painful sensation of being bitten by a rat, and would rather not repeat it.

But instead of the aggressive response he expected, Amiguinho only moved to raise himself on his hind quarters, his pink nose scrunched up as he sniffed towards Lucio’s bowl of food…

Suddenly Amiguinho tensed, and before Lucio could react, he dived.

“Hey!” Lucio gasped, his grasp on his food slipped- the bowl tipping sideways which caused half of meat to spill on the white duvet covers.

This didn’t bother Amiguinho, who was happily munching on the very species inappropriate food. The rat’s face was covered with the reddish sauce, making him look almost feral.  

“Man…” Lucio sighed, rubbing his face in exasperation. “You wouldn’t eat the pellets, but thought my lunch would be a nice treat, huh?”

Amiguinho said nothing, instead he choked.

“Oh shit.” Lucio breathed, frozen as the rat hacked violently a second time- it seemed it he was eating too fast for his throat to manage. It wasn’t until he coughed a third time that Lucio jumped into action, lifting the rat in one hand as he quite sharply pressed Amiguinho’s ribcage.

A few repeated presses seemed to help. Amiguinho’s choking became less forceful after a few moments. Lucio grimaced as the rat finally threw up, chunks of half eaten meat finally unstuck from his throat.

“You really are accident prone, aren’t you?” Lucio sighed, gently wiping some sauce and food from Amiguinho’s mouth with his hand. The rat squeaked quietly, his amber eyes focusing on Lucio as he wiped away the debris. “You’re going to give me a heart attack y’know.”

Lucio grabbed a washcloth from his bathroom, Amiguinho still curled up in his arms. With the damp cloth, he finished cleaning all the sauce off the rat’s face- the animal seemed weak after his choking fit, and barely put up any fight. It was a worrying sight.

Lucio glanced at his watch, and bit his lip.

“I don’t think I can leave you here… but I got class…” Lucio mused to himself, his eyes catching sight of a small carry cage/vivarium he uses to take Alfonso, his frog, to the vets.

 

“That could work…”

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Just thought I'd pop a few tidbits down here...
> 
> Ages have been changed, most characters younger to suit the setting... 
> 
> Lucio - 20  
> Hana - The same, 19  
> Sombra - 24  
> Gabriel Reyes - I've imagined him around 42  
> Junkrat - the same, 24 (I think he's that old?)  
> Roadhog - Around 48
> 
>  
> 
> Amiguinho = Little Buddy (or so the internet says)


End file.
